Buffy the Vampire Slayer Preferences + imagines/one shots

Spike Imagine - Ghosting pt2

I don't think I can do it.

I stand before Buffy's house, harsh wind whipping my long leather jacket and hair. I stare at the house with tears in my eyes. I thought I could do it but I'm weak. Every instinct is screaming for me to go back to safety, go back to what I know. Would it be so bad if I stayed?

"I thought I might find you here," Spike's voice makes me jump but I don't move. I feel him stand beside me, his shoulder grazing mine. I'd spent one day with Spike and already I was back here - to the real root of my problems. "What's on your mind, pet?"

I close my eyes and ignore the sting, "Where do I start?"

"Wherever you want." he replies. 

I pause. "They've been so good to me for the most part. I thought they were my family, but family are supposed to love you unconditionally."

"Family is a tough one, love. They still care about you even if they can't show it like they should."

"Maybe if I... Maybe I should give them another chance? I don't know. They don't need me, that's clear enough. But maybe I need them. I love them." My voice trails off into a whisper, the words caught in the wind. But Spike hears and makes an understanding humming sound. I stare unblinking at the closed curtains, the familiar door and the little potted flowers. 

"Think, pet. Think of how they've treated you this past month."

I do and it's a stab to my dead heart. 

The overheard conversations are probably the worse:

Xander. "I'm just wary of her, you know? It's like Spike - he can play nice, but deep down we all know he's a monster."

Giles. "I don't know about this, Buffy. She's not the girl you once knew."

Or maybe it's the way they don't look at me like they used to. Or how they make less effort to include me in anything. Or maybe it's...

I'm so lost in my own thoughts that it's Spike's concerned whisper of my name that snaps me back into reality and makes me realise I'm crying. But somehow, I can't tear my eyes away from the house. He rests a gentle hand on my shoulder and squeezes. I smile a small smile. 

"I love you more than any of them do. And, more importantly, I know how to show it."

I look at him in surprise. "You love me?"

He swallows and his eyes flash with something that I can't quite place. "Yes, erm, of course I do. You've always been there for me, and I've got your back, y/n."

"Oh." For a moment, I thought he meant the other kind of love. 

"Oh?" he repeats, eyes searching mine. When I don't reply, he puts his arm around me and silently, we turn and walk away. I watch my feet take one step after the other, with something like pride swelling in my chest. I can do this. 

I snake my hand around his waist, and we continue to walk all the way back to his crypt like this. When we get indoors, he shrugs off his jacket and I slip off my boots. I change into my pyjamas and slippers and when I emerge from the bathroom, Spike is sitting two cups of steaming tea down on his coffee table.

I sit beside him on the couch, leaving a tiny gap between us. I lean forward to take my tea while Spike watches. I take a sip and curse loudly.

"You're so impatient. You know you're going to burn yourself, but you do it anyway," he sighs, picking up his own mug. He clutches the cup, enjoying the warmth, as do I.

"Yeah..." I blow on my tea.

"Y/n, you can talk to me." he says, tilting his head to one side.

"I know... but I feel like a burden -"

"You're not a burden," he interrupts, slightly annoyed, "Seriously, y/n. I care."

"Spike." I say quietly, putting all my energy into keeping my voice level. "When you put your arm around me... that was the first time someone has touched me since... I turned."

His eyes widen but he lets me carry on, "It's like they were scared to touch me. No reassuring hand holding, no 'it's going to be okay' hugs... Nothing."

"Fuck," he breathes. 

"Fuck indeed. I felt dirty. I felt so lonely, Spike."

He sets down his cup and I do too, suddenly feeling a little sick. I twist slightly to face him, and he looks me in the eye when he says, "I never knew." Then, he brings both hands up and cups my cheeks. I close my eyes, a solitary teardrop escapes which he wipes away immediately. "Please don't cry."

I open my eyes, gazing at him through long, wet eyelashes. He starts to lean closer, and I touch his cheek with one hand. Spike kisses me. It's soft and quick and crazy and comforting and I don't want it to end. When he pulls away, my hands drop into my lap, and I feel blush flood to my face. His expression crinkles into a smile and he slowly removes his hands from my face.  "I love you." He says for the second time, but it is nowhere near the same.

"I love you too."

AHH these two 'ghosting' imagines are my faves! Remember to vote, comment + follow if you're enjoying ! <3