Buffy the Vampire Slayer Preferences + imagines/one shots

Spike Imagine - Nightmare

Sorry for not updating - I have exams (#sadtimes)  - but I hope you enjoy this imagine...
(slight s5 spoiler)

I wake up screaming. Screaming my head off. I wake up in a cold sweat, with a hammering heart. I wake up with Spike lying facing me, holding tightly onto my shoulders as if I could slip away at any moment. 

I throw the duvet off me and stumble away from him, tripping over my own feet.

I fall to the floor with a thud, the sound vibrating through me, reminding me of the nightmare that was way too realistic. And horrible. 

I'm shaking. Why am I shaking? Am I crying? 

"Y/N. It's okay. It was a dream. You're safe."

I look up through my long, wet eyelashes and Spike is inches away, crouching down. He carefully reaches a hand out, ready for me to pull away, but I let him wipe my tears.

"What happened?"

"You killed me," I tell him bluntly, recalling the dream, "You said it was because I kill vampires. Because I love you and kill them, although you're no different. You don't have a soul. They don't have a soul. I'm a hypocrite for loving you and murdering them." 

"Oh, Y/N," he says softly, embracing me in a hug I don't deserve. "It wasn't real."

"What if it's true?"

He pulls away. "What?"

"What if I am a hypocrite? What if some vampires aren't doomed for a life of evil? What if some are kind. And funny. And loyal and brave and loveable. Like you are?" 

"I'm telling you as a vampire, and as your boyfriend, that I would never have changed if it wasn't for this chip. Or, more importantly, you." 

I swallow and stare into his icy blue eyes.

"My circumstances have been ridiculously fortunate. I was forced to change at first," he says, tapping his head where his chip is implanted,  "And then I met you and... Then I wanted to change for you. No other vampire will have that opportunity. They'll never have you."

"I'm not special -"

"Yes, you are. I am the man I am today because you made me into him." 

"Spike, don't -"

"No. Listen to me. I was a monster before this chip, before you. Remember Angel without a soul? Vampires are not good people - they kill  to survive. I am an anomaly. Do not feel bad for making the world a better place."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm bloody sure. You're a hero. Not only mine, but you've unknowingly saved thousands of lives." 

Another tear slips down my cheek. I lean closer and kiss him softly, and he kisses back. 

"Come on, love. Let's... let's not go back to bed," he lets out a quiet chuckle. "What do you want to do?"

"Be close to you," I answer honestly. 

"Ok, let's watch tv, eh? I think Passions  is on." 

"Ok." I agree, letting him help me to my feet. He wraps an arm around me and leads me to the couch. "I love you."

"I love you more."