Draco's Hufflepuff | Emerging

Thirty-Two: Veritaserum

**

Friday, 6th December, 1996

I had successfully gone over twenty-four hours without crying, which felt like some sort of new record. As I was sitting alone in the common with a cup of tea, waiting for the hour's break to finish, I got to thinking about something miniscule that happened in our third year for some reason.

It wasn't long after Sirius Black had broken into the Gryffindor Tower, and it was obviously the topic of most people's conversation. I didn't realise it at the time, but Draco was the only person who would never comment on the alleged mass-murderer.

However, now that I knew that Draco was related to Sirius, I wondered how he would have felt knowing it was one of his family members who was the centre of every piece of news, every piece of gossip, and the focus of the entire wizarding world.

The one particular incident I'm thinking of, I was walking around the castle, I think to get to one of my classes, when I found myself walking behind Draco and Blaise. I remembered the hallway was empty apart from the three of us.

Blaise turned around and looked right at me, but never said anything, he just smirked to himself. The two Slytherin boys just carried on with their conversation. I wasn't sure what was said, but Draco then turned around as well.

He knitted his eyebrows and then said something to Blaise. I was painfully shy, so I never said anything to them, as much as I wanted to. Not to mention Draco made me feel so nervous it made me want to puke.

I wasn't sure why I was thinking of this memory because nothing really happened. But the look on Draco's face as he looked at me was seared deep in my subconscious somewhere. He looked at me like he wanted to kill me, he had this venom written over his face that made my legs turn to jelly.

He must have only looked at me for around five seconds, and it was one of the only times he glared directly at me, but that didn't stop me from being obsessed by the way he looked at me. Draco always did have an affect on me.

Maybe he liked me all along. Maybe he was so confused by his feelings for me that he channelled that into hatred. Maybe he's always wanted me like I'd wanted him.

That was what the very irrational and confused part of my brain was trying to convince me.

I wondered how thirteen-year-old Madeline would feel if she knew that at sixteen, I would be in this position over Draco. Heartbroken and completely lost. I never would have said he would be my first kiss; let alone the person I lost my virginity to.

A tiny part of me wished now that I had waited to be with someone different, someone who I knew for certain liked me back and really wanted to be with me. But how could I ever regret Draco? Even now, I still don't. He shown me a part of life that I never knew existed.

Draco shown me what it felt like to be lusted after. I could confidently say that was definitely one pro to what we had... the sexual and physical connection we had was unmatched.

He might be cruel and heartless a lot of the times but oh, did Draco Malfoy know how to make a girl feel good. He seemed to know exactly what I liked and how I liked it before I did.

I knew it was wrong and I knew that I probably should have left him alone once everyone had returned from their trip away. Looking back with hindsight, that's all we ever should have been.

We should have only ever been a – thing – whilst we were alone. I should have strong enough to stay away from him. He warned me time and time again that we could never be a normal couple.