Draco's Hufflepuff | Emerging

Sixty-Eight: Emptiness

**

Monday, 17th March, 1997

The last place I wanted to go was to Potions class and sit there, listening to Professor Slughorn teach us about something I had zero interest in, or even worse, my fellow students droning on about the most mundane, unimportant stuff.

Everyone else had gone down to breakfast, but I chose not to, because the thought of eating anything or sitting amongst the entire school when I was close to dying was torturous.

Hannah offered to skip out on breakfast too, and walk down to class with me, but I said that wouldn't be necessary, that I wouldn't want her going hungry just for me. I wanted to tell her I was grateful for the offer, but I couldn't get the words out.

I sluggishly forced myself to change into my robes, put my wand into my robe pocket, and sort out my textbooks for the day. It was as though I was a walking corpse, and the emptiness that resided in me felt never-ending and permanent.

I stood in front of the full-length mirror, and it was the first time I'd really looked at myself in a few days, ever since the morning of Draco breaking up with me. To say I looked bad was an understatement.

The whites of my eyes were tinged pink, and they were slightly swollen, with dark grey circles around them. My skin was a little grey too, with no colour whatsoever. My hair was dull and lifeless, matted, and unkempt.

I didn't even care. My appearance and how I looked was the least of my worries. I suppose how I looked on the outside matched how I felt on the inside. Draco had taken my soul out of my body and stamped the life out of it. He took everything from me, and yet, I still loved him, I still wanted him.

My heart still screamed out for him, wishing hopelessly that he would hold me and say he took it all back, that it was all a mistake, that he changed his mind. I knew I would go back to him in a heartbeat.

**

We were in the smaller workroom for Potions today, doing some written work instead of something practical. At least I could just sit there and pretend to be interested, not have to move, or focus on a brew in a cauldron.

I chose to sit at the back, on my own, just like I did all those months ago when I had no one. I suppose I was back in that space. Even though I knew I still had my friends this time, that felt worse in a way, because I probably didn't deserve their support, not when the only person I wanted was the very one who caused my pain.

My eyes kept scanning the room for him, hoping he would appear somehow, but after twenty minutes, he never shown up. I tried not to take it personally, and tried not to think he was avoiding me, but it was hard not to feel that way.

I had my head rested in my palms and my knees were bouncing up and down violently. I really did not want to cry in front of everyone, but it was getting harder to fight the urge not to.

As my eyes glancing across the room, and I caught eyes with Blaise. I wanted my chest to respond how I wanted it to, because it was the first time a Slytherin had acknowledged me since Friday evening. He pulled his lips into a tight line and whispered something to Theo. Whilst they were talking to one another, they would glance over at me, then carry on their conversation.

I forced myself down at the floor, blinking away the blurriness fogging my eyes out. They had to be talking about me and Draco, because the two Slytherin boys had that apologetic, sympathetic expression on their faces.

All I wanted to do was run over to them and ask about Draco, just so I could get some sort of idea about how his weekend had gone, and how he was feeling.