His Angel |Manjiro Sano|

Chapter 45

Hanagaki Takemichi

A week passed by in a blur.

It's all over, it's really unbelievable. I'm out of Toman. I've worked my ass off just to make Toman the cool and awesome biker gang it was once before. The pain I've endured, the blood and tears I shed..was for nothing.

Toman was everything. Wearing that coat made me feel a sense of pride and honor. Toman was like my identity. I earned respect, trust.. people counted on me, they had faith in me. I made a lot of friends and enemies. Being in Toman, I felt like I was actually somebody. I felt unshakable, unstoppable..I felt like I could do anything, fighting for what was right..I felt like a true delinquent.

Now, I'm that weak ass cow turd before I even knew Toman. I feel useless. I feel like a total loser. A nobody.

Handing that coat back to Mitsuya-kun was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was very devastating. I've lost everything. My hopes, my dreams, my will to live. I never imagined that I'd be let off so early and it hurts so much. If I'd been given time to prepare myself for it then maybe it would have hurt a little less.

The moment Mikey left me at the shrine, I became paralyzed. With shock, pain and depression. It's like they hit me all at once. I've had sleepless nights, I couldn't enjoy the celebrations.. I couldn't even leave my house..

School just started and I'm so exhausted to even think about that. I'll just take a break. Maybe, two to three weeks? I haven't heard from anyone since that night. They probably don't give a freak about me. That's for sure.

I'm in my bed. Weak. Drained. I can't do anything. Just standing up would be a pain. I got up from the bed and immediately regretted it as a sharp pain shot through my head. Damn.

I have to shower. I already smell like horse shit. Letting out a heavy sigh, I trudge to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and had a cold shower. Which is unusual of me.

I'm out of the bathroom, putting my shirt on when I hear a knock on the door. Who could that be?

I head for the door and opened it revealing Draken. He looked really sombre.

"Draken-kun," My eyes went wide. I really wasn't expecting him to be here.

He managed to give me a small smile, "I got you some food."

I almost smile, "Thank you." Stepping aside, I usher him in, "Come in."

***

A plate of sushi was lying on the table before me but sadly, I had no appetite to eat anything. I just stared at it. Chopsticks in hand. Draken got me sushi and banana milk to which I'm grateful for.

Come on, Takemitchy. Eat something..

"How are you feeling?" Draken asks and I look up at him.

"Dead." I say bitterly. How does he expect me to feel? All smiles surrounded by rainbows and cotton candy? Fucking think again.

"I'm deeply sorry, Takemitchy. I should have done something. I couldn't oppose Mikey's decision. I tried but I failed." He hung his head low in immense guilt.

I rubbed my forehead. Honestly, no amount of apology or soothing words can make me feel better. I'm just fucking tired of everything. Tired of going through the same pain all over again. So unbearable, so painful..

Just hearing his name makes me hurl.

I sighed, "It's not your fault."

An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air.