E L E C T R A|COMPLETED|

Chapter Forty~Three What Is This?

    "Shhh, no more talking." I murmered then removed my finger from his lips to move my hand behind his head and tangle my fingers in his soft waves. I urged his head closer to mine as I slightly raised myself from the bed to meet his lips with mine wanting nothing more than to get lost in the taste and feeling that was him. Braden.
    "She didn't know who would leave or stay, so she pushed them all away." -Unknown-
~Braden~

    I couldn't even comprehend what was happening until both of our clothes lay thrown all around the floor of the bed. The nails from one of Electra's hands clawed at my back while the other was snaked in my hair. Her tongue was wildly dancing with mine in a needy manner that I tried to keep up with. There was a certain need in the way her lips moved against mine, the way her tongue hungrily danced with my own. 
    Electra's hands moved to trail down my abs then dip down towards my erect d!ck that lay firm against my lower stomach. My hand shot out to grip her wrist, stopping her journey while I pulled my swollen lips away from hers.
    "Wait." I panted causing Electra to look up into my eyes. Her eyes were glazed over with need that had blood rush down to my d!ck making it throb even more with a need only she could fulfill.
    "What?" Electra asked.
    "What--what is this?" I heard myself asking. I had Electra underneath me, naked and wanting me and here I was wanting to talk.
    "What is what?" Electra pressed further.
    "This. What's between us. What are we?" I asked. This was a terrible time to ask, but this has been bothering me for awhile now. I couldn't put it off any longer. Electra's perfectly arched eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
    "What do you mean? Why are you bringing this up?" Electra asked. I moved off of her and sat by her side. Electra sat up as well, her piercing eyes focused on my face.
    I swallowed the nervous lump that had grown in my throat and looked away for a split second then brought my eyes back to Electra's. Did she not know? Couldn't she see? Had she been broken so long that she couldn't see?
    "This. Us." I motioned in between us with my hand. "What are we?" I wanted to know, I needed to know what we are and where she stood. There was definitely something going on here, but I couldn't label it. I couldn't figure out what was going on and what I was to her...if I was even anything to her.
    "I wasn't aware that we were a 'we'." Electra replied as she lay back against the headboard of the bed.
    "What's going on here? What do you want from me?" I asked with a demanding tone around the edges of my voice. If this was a game--if this was one of her f.ucking games I don't know what I would do. Electra looked down at my hand that lay on the bed and began tracing the visible veins on my hand. Some of the tension in my shoulders eased away at the feel of her calming touch.
    "I've been alone for a very long time, Braden. I can't remember my parents nor my family. I don't even know if I have any family out there." Electra's voice was low and quiet as she went back to someplace in her past, one that I hoped she would tell me about one day. "I had friends at the orphanage, but there are a rare few left now. Other than my employees, I've only one other person I trust and she's on the other side of the world. I suppose it's a companionship that I am looking for." Companionship? This is what it was? No. She was trying to convince herself that what was going on was nothing, but it was something.
    Electra was lonely. Hell, we both were. My life wasn't what you would call 'a good childhood', but I lived through it. Here a girl was who had been thrown into an orphanage only to be treated like a lab rat. She killed people and ran a multi-billion dollar drug ring. She had invented a drug that would have regular people dead within the first few uses. Still, I was drawn to her. Despite everything she does I can't get her out of my f.ucking head.
    "You make me feel things that I didn't think I ever wanted to feel nor ever would feel." Electra added and continued to trace the veins of my hand.
    "What would that be?" I asked in a low murmur. She lifted her head so that her eyes met mine.
    "Human. You make me feel human." Her voice was just above a whisper. "When I'm with you I feel like I have a heart. I feel like I--I sound so stupid." She let out a dry laugh then looked away while pulling her hand from mine. She pulled her knees up to her bare chest and wrapped her arms around them, her chin resting on the top of her knees. She looked so young and innocent in that fetal position.
    She was young. Years younger than I am and she has been through things someone her age shouldn't ever have to go through. She had put a cement wall around herself and a titanium cage around her heart to keep herself from being harmed ever again. Electra was just a girl. She was a young girl who had been hurt so many times that all she knew was pain. 
    "You don't sound stupid." I broke the silence.
    "What's the meaning of this? Why did you bring this up?" Electra asked and kept her eyes forward as she still rest her chin on her knees.
    "I want to know--I want to know what we are." I replied and found that I couldn't get the right words out.
    "I am me and you are you." She answered.
    "You know that's not what I f.ucking meant." My voice rose and Electra turned her head to look at me noticing the change in my tone.
    "I've never felt this way before, Braden. I can't f.ucking tell you because I've never felt this way before. I don't know how to f.ucking feel or what I'm supposed to do." Electra's own voice rose and I watched her stand from the bed. She leaned down and picked up my shirt which she roughly tugged over her head, the shirt fell to her knees.
    "Where are you going?" I asked when I saw her shuffling through one of her drawers.
    "I need a cigarette." She replied in an irritated tone.
    "Electra--"
    "What?" Electra whirled around, her sharp voice cutting off my words. "What do you f.ucking want from me? I'm--I'm a crazy bitch that kills people. I'm a f.ucking lab experiment that went wrong. I have no past and no future so you tell me, Braden, what do you want with me?" Her eyes were blazing with a hundred emotions that I couldn't pick out individually.
    "I want you, Electra." There. I f.ucking said it. I felt relieved that I finally got it off my chest, but I now had to see what she had to say about that. Her entire body grew still and silent, her eyes unblinking as she stared at me with all emotions draining from her face. "I want you and I to be an 'us'. I want you--I want you like a man wants a woman. I want you to be mine and I yours. I want you any way that you'll let me."   Electra continued to give me that blank, unblinking stare even after I made sure to make my intentions clear enough for her to understand where I was going with this.
     A sickening knot formed in my stomach when she remained silent and only stared at me. I f.ucked up. I knew that now. I was such a dumbass to even bring this up. Why couldn't I just leave it alone? What we had going wasn't normal, but whatever it was was working. Why'd I have to go and f.uck it up? Why'd I push for more?
    "No." She finally spoke. That single word made bile want to crawl up my throat from the world crashing denial that I felt. My parents didn't want me, they chose cocaine over their own son so I already knew what it felt like to be unwanted. I grew up fast and drowned myself in parties and girls. Of all the girls I've been with, I had to want the one who didnt want me. Rejection. Rejection was a f.ucking killer. I hadn't felt this--this unwanted in years.
    Like a brick to my face, I finally understood why the hell I was feeling this way. I wanted her. No, I needed her. This person I swore to bring down and lock up, this ruthless dark queen of New York had managed to ensnare me. I knew now what this was. It was such a strong and powerful emotion that f.ucked up a lot of things in history and now I understood why so many men f.ucked things up over just one woman. Love.
    It was love. That f.ucking cheezy, sappy word was the cause of all of this. I'd never loved a girl before because I didn't think love was real. Now I knew that it was. All of these things I felt for her could only be summed up by one word. I was falling hard for Electra. I was falling in love with this girl.
    "I've fallen for you, Electra."

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