To Be The Second|✔|#projectcharacter|#projectwomanup|2fab4reads

Chapter 13; I'm Okay.

Chapter 13:

I lay looking at the ceiling of my bedroom. What was wrong with me? Was I not good enough? Was I not great? Was I not suitable to be his mate?

It hurt knowing all of this. I sighed as I got off my bed. I opened my door and dusted my dress and walked down the hallway.

I needed to speak with Zander. He had to make up his mind. He had to tell me that he didn't want me hear so I could move in with my life.

I walked towards his bedroom. I took in a deep breath ready to knock. I lifted my hand but froze midway as I heard Bridget's laughter inside his room.

"Zander, why do you still keep her around, get rid of her so we could move on with our lives." she said in her bitch tone. Making me roll my eyes.

"I just need her to live, I've said it before Bridget. We're going to be together, after all I'm going to marry you and not her." my heart bleached hearing those words from his mouth. My hands dropped to my sides as the tears started brimming my eyes.

I give up.

Cole was right. I gave in too much. Brandon was right, I should've never hoped to much.

Don't hope too much, don't try too much, don't trust too much, because that too much is going to hurt so much.  He has broken me. This is it. I'm not good enough. I'm weak. I'm not worthy of being loved. That's what he wants me to realise, right? Well I've realised it loud and clear.

The tears rolled down my eyes as I took a step back and walked down the hallway. This was so unfair to me! I bumped into someone as my hand was held.

"Irene? Why are you crying?" his voice seemed to soothe me.

"It's not fair! I did everything to make him live me, but.. But, it's not enough. I'm useless! I'm stupid! I'm unwanted! I can never be loved. Brandon, is something wrong with me?" I asked him as he Pulled me into an embrace.

"No, no Irene, nothing is wrong with you, he doesn't see the perfect girl you are, the hard-working girl I see! Irene-" I cut him short.

"if he doesn't see it, then that means it's not me. They say only your mare can define you. If he doesn't realise it, it means I'm not worthy. I hate myself." I whispered as pulled away from him. I walked down the hallway to my room.

Picking up The phone I dialled mom's number. "Hello?" I heard her voice. Oh how I missed my mother.

"Mom" my voice cracked as the tears continued to flow.

"Irene? Baby are you crying? Why is my princess crying?" her voice seemed to crack.

"Mom, I wanna come home." I said to her. She seemed taken back.

"honey your home is with your mate, he loves you, see I know you miss home-"I cut her off.

"Mom he doesn't love me. Please tell Cole to come pick me up?"

"Baby no, he loves you, you told me-"

"I Lied mom. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I thought I could change the situation with just a little time, but I realised that nothing could change him. Why am I not loveable mom?" I asked as I heard her sniffle.

"Who thaught you to be so weak Irene? I never raised you that way baby. Why now?" she asked me.

"Im not me any more. I can't hope any more. It will just be destroyed. Mom send Cole to come get me please?" I said not wanting to talk any more.

"if that's what you want, but honey you will regret this later in. I just know it." she said and hung up.

This was for the best. This was better. I don't have to think about him. I don't have to think bad about anything.

I started packing my luggage and within 2 hours my bag was packed. I walked out my bedroom and down the steps not expecting the entire pack to be seated at the dining hall bear the entrance. I didn't see Zander so I took a deep breath tiptoeing past them, hoping to catch no one's attention.

A chair scraped against the marble floor as a growl escaped the person's lips. I turned to look Zander in the eyes. His eyes holding confusion. He looked at my bag then at me.

"Where are you going?" he questioned as blunt as ever, what's hurts more us the fact I know he wants me gone.

"I'm leaving." I said to him, not a smile, not a single emotion laced in my voice.

The pack seemed silent. No one said a word.

Zander looked at Mr with daring eyes. "I don't give you permission to leave the house." he said to me directly as I scoffed at him.

"I'm not listening to you." I said as I wanted to burst into tears. I turned awat ready to leave as he grabbed my hand, sparks shot up as I tried to release his grip from my hand.

"Let go! Let go! Zander let me go!"I said as I struggled to pull away.

"What are you going to do out there, remember, rejecting me results in both our deaths. Is that what you want? If that's it you're so pathetic!"that was the last straw.

I turned around directly facing him as my palm connected with his cheek in a painful slap.

He seemed angry ashen turned to me, but stopped as he watched the tears rill out if my eyes. "I'd rather die"  I said as something flashed in his eyes.

He was about to open his mouth, but I cut him off before he could say anything.

"I'm tired of this. The disrespect, the mistreating, the blind eye and anger and resentment you have towards me. I give up. Thats what you wanted right? You wanted me to let go of our bond and never look for love in you. I'm okay, everyday I must go through humiliation without a second thought. I'm happy, I'm happy I know how weak, how useless, how stupid, how unlovable I am. I'm thrilled to know you're getting married to Bridget. I am exceptionally grateful to you for showing me how loving someone who doesn't love you as much as you do  can pain, can shatter,  can destroy your heart, dreams and fantasies. I'm relieved to know, you'd rather use me as a one night stand and pretend nothing ever happened. Thank you So much Zander for showing me what it really means to have a mate. I HATE YOU! and mostly! I HATE Myself. I hate to think that I, the weak Irene, could possibly dream about something that doesn't even seize to exist. Once again thank you." I said to him. He didn't utter a word.

I smiled towards him and rolled my suitcase out the door towards Coles car. And what hurt even more is, he didn't even chase me.

I guess he's right. I'm pathetic.

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Oh my God! This chapter put me to tears! What about you?

There will be more updates elapse I'm trying to finish this book by the end of February, so keep up.

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-Rama