«not edited»
commouvere (v) to stir, to touch, to move the stars
[origin : italian]
o c t o b e r t w e n t y t h i r d
"Okay, the time of death can be calculated by various reason. One is rigor mortis, Latin for 'the stiffness of death'. Another indication is livor mortis or lividity. What does this term refer to?"
"Isn't it the gravitational pooling of blood," I said more than I questioned.
"I don't know, honestly, why we're here right now," he chuckled, shaking his head.
"What do you mean?" I ask, my eyebrows scrunched.
"Adrianna, we've been going at this for an hour and a half, and you know all the right answers; you literally have not messed up any of the questions I've asked you. And with the way we're going right now, you're way better than I was last year. How could you be failing?"
I frowned, looking down at my chipping matte gray painted nails that were resting on my lap. And I really thought about what he said and how true it was. This was our third time this week hanging out and getting tutored by him and every time, Phoenix has been unbelievably patient with me, yet I knew all the information. He asked me all sorts of questions, questions from previous AP exams, questions from Princeton's Review textbooks, and I knew it all. I just knew everything.
Currently, we were on the South Beach strip, sitting outside of this café, Electric Light, and we were sitting across each other on the bright orange bistro set, lost in our own little world as all the other surrounding tables consisted of people, couples even of another world, probably far away from ours. Phoenix had a few textbooks and some test booklets in front of him while I had my notebook and Muji pen laying front of me. There was a basket of cheesy bread in between us and while he had a café mélange in front of him, I had a Thai Iced Tea Float.
"Adrianna," he snapped me out of my thoughts. My eyes locked with his and he was staring at me with concern in his eyes.
"Got lost in my thoughts," I murmured, sipping on my float, "But, I guess I do know all the information. I just get crippling anxiety during quizzes and tests. I get unbelievably nervous, and I start to tremble slightly, my palms start to sweat. And it's just like everything gets to my head. I-I don't know what everything is, but it's like there's a million and one things on my head when I have a quiz or test in front of me.
"And then, this is extremely stupid - I know - but when I'm taking a test or quiz, I feel like everyone's - someone's - watching me, and as soon as I choose my answer, it's the wrong one and they're laughing and criticizing me. And if I don't know the answer to one question, I feel like I just failed the entire test or that I won't know the answers to the questions for the rest of the test."
"But you know what? You're clearly a fighter. You still go to school everyday, you work hard, harder than probably every senior around us. I can see that, and though I don't approve of you overworking yourself, you do. You always hand in assignments on time, and though you procrastinate the hell out of your work at times, you stay up at ungodly hours of the night finishing it. You take every quiz and test, even though you feel like dying; Adrianna, you work hard. And maybe not everyone can see that, but I can, Pyper can, Blake can, Judah, Marl, Talon, they all see it.
"You're calc's golden girl, and maybe you are battling this crippling anxiety in every class, but it could be that forensics, physics, and psych is just you're weakness. And let me tell you something, étoile filante.
"You have a test tomorrow, let's say. But you're sitting in your room, studying endlessly for hours on end. At the same time however, you're having a panic attack, you're anxiety is skyrocketing, you're biting your nails, pulling out your hair. You're on the verge of crying. Let. Go. Your mental health will always mean more than just some stupid test whether it be high school or college. Do not lose sleep over this. Close your books, go in your kitchen and have a take out a tub of Ben & Jerry's. Sit on your couch, snuggle in a blanket, and watch tv. So what if you bloody fail that test with a 67? Because in ten years, what are you going to remember, the failing test grade? Or your unstable mental health?"
YOU ARE READING
𝐆𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐬┊✓
Romance-revamping- In which two strangers blur the lines between love and lust. But nothing is enough to salvage them from destruction; love is so fickle, it just can't conquer all. Enter, their story. n° 1 first sight and sad ending | highest ranking [ a...
