𝐆𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐬┊✓

t w e n t y s i x » q u i x o t i c

not edited

— quixotic —
(adj) extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, impractical, or impracticable
origin ; english

February.

It was February and I hated this month. I hated it more than I'd hate myself at times. It was probably the worst month every year. Everything happened in February, my birthday, my mama's anniversary, all dark times for me.

It was February eleventh and my dad was getting ready for a business trip in Aruba. Talk about perfect fucking timing. And to make things even bloody better, my dad told Phoenix that he was going away. And now, Phoenix isn't giving me a choice - no, scratch that - he is forcing me to stay with him and the crew at his mansion. I was going to stay in the coral teal room and I was pissed to say the least.

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n e x t d a y

I had locked myself in the bedroom that was now known as mine as soon as I got home from school. Staying under the same roof as Phoenix was going to be difficult, I never knew when I was going to run into him, I never knew when we'd coincidentally walk out of our rooms at the same time. I definitely didn't know whether to expect another testosterone competition between Phoenix and Judah. Just the two of them standing within a five foot mile radius of each other and I was having enough of it.

It's not that I didn't like the rest of the crew that I locked myself in the room, but I was genuinely just feeling depressed. My birthday was in two days and I was in no way excited. And then before I know it, my mom's anniversary would arrive. The time between my birthday and my mother's death anniversary was always blurry. It always felt as if they were right after the other, every time. And we were having what was supposed to be the biggest party of the year on Saturday for Marl and I's birthday. I wasn't sure how much I was looking forward to it anymore, I was beginning to numb what I was feeling. I didn't want to reach my breaking point, the last time - or last three times - I had reached it, it landed me in the hospital. My entire body would become void, I guess, and I'd become lost, emotionally and physically and I wouldn't realize until it was too late and I was collapsing to the ground. The party, however, was already the center of all, it was in the direct spotlight, everywhere. There were murmurs every corner I turned in Paradise Creek and it was all about this party. I had even invited Adrian and Serena - who would no doubt bring her boyfriend, Axel - and they apparently booked tickets the exact moment I told them.

Today, was just today though. I still had two days before all hell broke loose. Because after my birthday, everything would come crashing after that. The party, my mom, god knows what else. And my dad not being here the day of mom's anniversary was only making it harder for me. I'd either be going to the graveyard myself, or I'd ask Hunter to come. My dad would be coming back on the twenty third and I'm guessing we'd go back to the graveyard then. The more I mulled over it, the more my suspicions rose. But I wasn't even sure what my suspicions were, I just found it unbelievably unreal my dad would miss the day and this would be the first year he'd ever miss.

And while I hadn't exactly had plans to do after school, all I wanted was to stay in my room - do I even get to say it's mine? - and write and read. I was doing an amazing job ignoring my backpack and procrastinating just to work on some poetry and a story idea I had. As the year went on, I found myself doing my homework in class, during lunch, waking up an hour earlier than usual on the day of to do it, and spending much more time writing and reading. I could care less and I barely gave a fuck about any class other than creative writing, english, and orchestra. Forensics and all things science and math no longer interested me. I was beginning to lose sight of the forensic pathologist girl I was almost a year ago. I still got perfect grades, I was acing every class, I was still calc's golden girls, however, when it came to anything science, I just couldn't find myself to care. Instead of trying to be the best, I was just caring enough to pass.