𝐆𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐬┊✓

f o r t y o n e » s o n r i s a

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— sonrisa —
(n) smile
origin ; spanish

Slowly, my eyes fluttered open as I yawned and snuggled closer into the warm body holding me tightly. Tilting my head up just a bit, my eyes meet Phoenix's, though he was already looking at me.

"'Ello beautiful," he murmured softly, dipping his head low and capturing my lips in a sweet kiss.

Last night was most definitely not a dream.

"Mmm," I hummed with a small smile as he pulled away and I rested my head on his chest.

It was a quiet morning and with the sunlight filtering through his half closed blinds, I felt my eyes slowly closing again. My thoughts were lulling me back to sleep and the bloody sun was invading my sight.

"I can't believe you're in love with me," he whispered in disbelief. My eyes blinked wide open this time and a wide smile took over my face. Turning on my stomach, I laid a hand on his chest and rested my chin there. I stared at him with wide eyes and my stupidly wide smile, "Why so?"

"Be-because," he sputtered, "You're an angel sent from heaven whilst I'm a, a monster," he answered in an agonisingly painful voice.

"How could you love me," his dulcet tones were rather sotto voce.

"But how could I not?

"You are nothing of a monster, Phoenix."

"You haven't seen the worst of me yet, étoile filante," he muttered before I could continue.

"But I'm here now aren't I?" I cupped his jaw tenderly.

"You said something about me screamed 'dangerous.' And you're absolutely right, Adrianna. I could hurt you," he uttered under his breath, "Hell, I already have.

"Just like you, chérie, I have a few dark chapters that are better left in the dark. I'm a bit like you, you see, dealing with my own sorts of problems. I suffer greatly from sleep paralysis and bipolar anger," he chuckled bitterly.

"Most times I control it though. But there are other times, it just becomes too much to control. I let go, unable to hold back my restraint. And I have these episodes of my own," he continued warily, "I blank out and become unconscious. I act on another accord, thrashing my surroundings."

"H-how do you stop it?"

He chuckled darkly, "I don't, I can't. The longest I've went unconsciously acting was five minutes, I think. Usually, after time drowsiness settles in and I just, collapse," he finished, sounding baffled with himself.

"Has anyone tried to stop you in the midst of these episodes?"

"No, absolutely not," he stated dismissively, "No one dares to come close to me when I'm not in my own right mind, ballistic and raging. All in fear of what I could do to them. And truthfully, I'm glad no one ever comes close, I could never live with myself if I hurt anyone in a fit of blind rage."

"Phoenix, from what you've described, those are just impulses you cannot control. They attack you spontaneously, what are you to make out of that? But that doesn't make you a monster, don't ever think of yourself that lowly. I am the exact same, those episodes I have where I collapse just like that. I don't choose to feel lightheaded, have my vision blur and my hearing become muffled. It's rather uncontrollable. But do not think of yourself as a monster, you are far from it, my love."