At Your Service ✓

[Chapter Six] Shawn

Chapter Six – Shawn

I woke up in a cold sweat again and put my head in my hands again and groaned in frustration. I was so fucking tired and the only time I slept remotely well was after I had sex with Mari and then went home to sleep so I could kiss sleep goodbye unless I could find something else to tire me out. I got out of bed and pulled my shirt off to look at myself in the mirror.

I had a lot of scars. I had one on my stomach from when I was attacked on my second deployment, I had one from my forth from a bulled grazing my skin and then I had the ones from a few months ago.

Two of them were flesh wounds but two of them had gone all the way through, one close to my heart and the other on my arm. The one on my arm healed a whole hell of a lot faster and this one on my shoulder, chest area was killing me.

It looked terrible and It would probably be fine if I stopped reopening it but being lazy just wasn’t in my nature. I yanked a shirt over it so I didn’t have to look and put shorts on so I could go out for a run.

I was panting and sweating as I ran into the morning, the light starting to come up. I leaned over to catch my breath and watched my dog tags dangle and I sighed

A soldier is all I knew and I don’t know what I’ll do if they don’t clear me to go back. They wouldn’t until I had a psych evaluation and I didn’t fucking need one.

“Fuck.” I cursed and ran longer but I still couldn’t get myself tired enough.

It was times like this I wish I had a girlfriend so I could go home, fuck, and go to fucking sleep! I went home and took a shower and laid in bed all day. I did that all Sunday and Monday and barley slept so I was glad when Tuesday rolled around and I made my way to the hotel.

She was waiting for me and I was in a fucking horrible mood. She followed wordlessly after me and when we got in there I pulled my pants and boxers off, pulled her dress over her head and she handed me the box while before she undid her bra and she wasn’t wearing underwear.

I rolled the condom on and pushed her down on the bed and ignoring the doctor’s orders again I hovered over her ignoring the pain and thrust into her. She dug her nails into my back and moaned. I groaned and pushed her legs farther apart and pounded into her relentlessly until I found my release.

She laid there, still not saying anything until I moved her into two other positions and fucked her again and then when my arm started fucking killing me I laid down on my back and she rolled a condom on me and slammed on me riding me just like last time, just like I wanted it.

She moaned but she didn’t say a single word and neither did I as she found her release and fuck did it feel good when she tightened like that around me and damn did kitty have claws.

I loved fucking her rough and I loved when she got rough with me. I didn’t care if she drew blood; the harder she dug those blood red nails into me the better it felt.

When I finished again I nodded at the table and she handed me the money, I counted it out and handed it to her and she got dressed and left. I looked and saw we had been here three hours. Three hours and not one word was spoken.

I got dressed and went home and this time when I laid in bed I was tired enough to sleep finally, she fucking wore me out.

Wednesday sucked again and then Thursday was like Tuesday, not a single word except this time I had her on top the whole time since I stupidly tried working out, again and the pain got worse. Everything was getting worse, sure I slept after leaving the hotel but I was still exhausted.

The next two weeks took a toll on me, she was busy and I only saw her once a week the first week and twice the next.

My wound looked better and I finally stopped fucking reopening it much to my doctors amazement and relief. I was finally able to start physical therapy which was a nice step up from doing absolutely nothing. My doctor kept pushing the evaluation and I knew one of these times I was just going to snap.

I didn’t need shit and when my men tried reaching out to me I just couldn’t handle it. Three men I saved tried to thank me but I didn’t want it and not because I was a dick this time, it was because I didn’t deserve it.

My squad was the only family I cared about now and they saw a completely different side of me. I earned their trust and they earned mine. We had each other’s backs; we were very close. It was hard on us all to lose men, it still is.

I barely made it through the memorials; it should have been me. Those men had families; a wife, kids, girlfriend. They all had someone to come home to and I didn’t. They should have got to come home, not me.

Yes, he has a heart and a soul lol