At Your Service ✓

[Chapter Forty-Five] Mari

Chapter Forty-Five- Mari

Marla, Lex and I had all been living together and it was nice but I regretted what I did every day. At first Lex would ask about him but she finally stopped after a few weeks and It was hard telling her that he wouldn’t be coming back. She adored him and I know he felt the same way about her but I just, I made a decision and I had to stick with it.

I couldn’t do this anymore, I had gotten so dependent on him and it had to stop. During the day I was strong but at night I would cry and it was my fault. He wanted us to move in and I moved out of his life without telling him.

It was hard to get him out of my head but Ed was in town and I had to. For the hours I was with him Shawn didn’t matter only the person paying mattered.

I went over and met him at his hotel, I put a huge smile on my face and tried to be normal but he wasn’t having any of it, he tried to badger it out of me until he realized that I just didn’t want to talk about it and he let it drop.

I knew he cared but I didn’t want to talk about Shawn with him, not when I was about to sleep with him countless times over the next week. I didn’t want to ruin it for him especially when we both knew this was the last time. His last night here he would meet with Marla and I guess we’ll see how it goes.

He’s quite shy typically so I can but also can’t believe I’m the only person he’s slept with, Marla would be number two and  I wondered when he would ever find a girlfriend or find someone to sleep with that he didn’t have to pay for.

But he had trust issues, people who wanted him for the money and fame and not someone who wanted to be with him for him since he was kind of awkward but it was part of his charm, I did like him.

“So, where do you want to start?” I asked him and he pulled me against him

“Well I just spent all that time on tour. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to sleep sometimes, I want to relax and I want to know all the dirty things you can do to me in the bath.” He whispered in my ear and it was pretty forward for him, he was learning.

“Well then, let’s get to it.” I said as I walked into the bathroom putting some sway in my hips. I started the water and as it filled I slowly stripped for him and his eyes wondered around my body hungrily.

“You are so damn sexy.” He told me and I bit my lip seductively as I pulled his shirt off and undid his pants. As soon as his clothes were off he picked me up suddenly making me let out a squeak of surprise and he sat down with me in his lap. Goosebumps prickled my skin as the hot water my cool flesh but I didn’t have time to think about it because his mouth was on mine and being with him was all I could think about right now.

I needed to put everything into this and I guess it helped that he wanted the girlfriend experience because I could do that and it also helped I was comfortable with him but at the same time I wished that it was just some guy who I can let do what they want and I can go home, I guess how Shawn was at first.

But that wasn’t how it was so Ed and I made out in the bath and we went at it like crazy for a few hours on a couple different surfaces and when it was over he kissed me goodnight and I told him I would see him tomorrow.

When I got into my car I sat there and cried.

It felt so wrong what I was doing now, before it was work and I didn’t mind it but it felt just wrong and disgusting. I felt dirty and so when I got home I took a shower and scrubbed at my skin until it started to bleed in places and then I cried harder.

I sank to the bottom of the shower and let the icy water nub my body in hopes that maybe it would make me numb, I was tired of feeling. I made a mistake but I knew I had to live with it, I knew I deserved no sympathy and that I hurt him worse than I was hurting and that made me feel terrible. Marla came in and pulled me out of the now freezing water.