At Your Service ✓

[Chapter Eighteen] Shawn

Chapter Eighteen – Shawn

I watched her leave and I was pretty amused with all of this. I barley know her but I like her and she didn’t know me very well if she thought I wouldn’t keep trying. The girl was going to go on a date with me one day on her own free will and I was definitely going to bug her for more sleepovers. I’m not a complete dick, I know she has Lalexia but she needs to stop hiding behind that and also live her life.

I loved her staying over and being deep inside her first thing in the morning was a nice treat that I wouldn’t mind reliving. I heated the food she had brought and flopped on the couch to watch some TV. She had another client tonight and I respected that.

She had a job to do and that involved screwing other guys.

I slept terribly the next night and got up to run before I showered and drove my ass to therapy again and I went in before I could back out.

I didn’t want to talk about what happened over there, I didn’t want them to say I was heroic and I didn’t want to talk about what would be happening next.

“I’m glad to see you back.” he told me when I settled into the seat

“Yeah, well I wasn’t sure I would be coming back.”

“How have you been the last couple days?” he asked

“Better.” I said shortly.

“How are things with that girl?” he asked and I smiled, a genuine smile thinking about her.

“It’s complicated. Things between us are strictly sexual but I got her to stay the night the other night and I’m determined to get her to come around to more.” I told him

“Why is she reluctant?” he asked

“Because of her little girl and because she’s stubborn and doesn’t like to take are of herself.” She was all about her daughter, nothing else mattered to her. For fuck’s sake, she sold her body for sex just so Lex could do anything she wanted to do.

She was an amazing mother; I don’t care what anyone says. The amount of sacrifices she’s made for her and how she always makes sure to support her, how she cooks for her every single night and spends time with her baking or cooking or reading.

It’s not hard to see they were close.

But she also used Lex as a cover not to go out and live because she was scared. I would take care of her if she gave me a chance to.

Where the fuck did that thought come from?

“How much does she know about you?” he asked me

“She’s seen the scars, knows I was shot, she knows my rank and how many times I’ve been deployed. She doesn’t know the details though.” Sure I liked her but I don’t know her that well yet

“How about the medals you’ve received?” He asked

“I don’t want to talk about those.” I immediately shut down that topic

“Okay. How about your family?” he asked

“I have a mom and I haven’t talked to her more than a couple times in nine years.”

“Why not?” he asked

“Because I don’t want to deal with my step father; I know I have a nine year old sister that I’ve never met. Hell, I don’t even know what she looks like.” My mom apparently missed having kids around and decided to have another one with that dick.

“What’s her name?” he asked me

“Laila.” I haven’t seen a picture of her since she was a baby.

“What else do you like to do besides sleep with the girl?” he asked me

“I run a lot and sometimes I watch TV.”  He wrote something down which annoyed me.

“You don’t socialize with other people?” he asked me and I shrugged, no I don’t, I don’t like people.

“Not lately since I’m not allowed to work.”

“You aren’t keeping in touch with the men in your company?” he asked me and I frowned

“No.” I said annoyed with this whole thing. I hated talking about myself.

“Why?” he wondered, fucking shrink.

“The same fucking reason I don’t want to deal with this bullshit, I don’t want to talk about what happened. It happened, it’s in the past. Why do we have to keep reliving it?”

“Then why are you here?” he asked

“Because I need to clear you too and if I do this I’ll get cleared sooner.” I was almost ready to go back to work and I was lucky I was great at my job or they would have discharged my ass by now instead of waiting for me to get better and dealing with me reopening my stitches.

“And if they move you bases?” He pointed out

“Then I move bases. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.” it wasn’t a big deal, I’ve lived in so many states and on so many bases around the world

“Then what about the girl and her daughter?” He asked and I didn’t even think about it.

“I don’t know.” I admitted and after that he didn’t get very far with me because I could only think about that last question. What if I got close to her or something and then I was forced to leave? I’m damn sure she wouldn’t go with me and I can’t defy orders, I would have to leave.

Life in the Army could be complicated and sure I’d like to actually get to know her as a person but it’s not like I was looking to get married or anything right now.

I knew it may be more trouble to go after her but her resistance made me want to even more and for the first time I was going against all instincts and everything I knew on this. I didn’t care about anyone other than the men I was with and my mother, even if it didn’t seem like I did.

I didn’t get attached, I didn’t open up and I sure as hell didn’t show my scars. I never had a real girlfriend except for high school and much like her, I didn’t do sleep overs. I didn’t do any of this but for her I was willing to make an exception and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why.

It was infuriating.