What was Still is

Chapter 11: James

Ely's body rocks into mine, his lips drying all of my spilt tears, his heart bleeding into mine- feeding it life until it can do it on it's own. Today the look in her eyes told me everything, or so I thought and the thought of losing him shot through me leaving a gapping wound in my heart. Now he is repairing what her eyes did, what her expression yelled when he called me his girlfriend, and drawing the venom out from her sneer.

I wrap my hands around his back feeling his muscles rip and roll with each motion from his hips.  His breath coming ragged against my lips, his eyes looking deep into my soul pouring all of his love into me, the love that I doubted. The tears slip still but not as often, they're no longer tears of fear and betrayal but tears of happiness. For the first time he is loving me in a way I never knew possible, In a way I didn't know I needed. For nearly 6 years we have always had fun between the sheets never needing to really put our souls into it... until tonight, tonight I begged for that connection and he gave it to me without hesitation.

We come apart together, as one and in a whole new light. I love this man and cannot imagine my life with out him.

Ely's body stops rocking as he pours every last drop into me. Neither of us moving, neither of us breaking eye contact and neither one speaking a word. Instead we stay connected and search each other's eyes for what seems like forever before I see what I was looking for- truth, he didn't sleep with her and he hasn't even thought about doing it.

"James, don't pull away from me. Stay, stay with me" he breaks the silence with his pleas.

Unable to return words back I lay my hand over his heart, feeling the erratic beating before looking back at him with tears stinging my eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat and simply add, "Always".

After what feels like a life time we finally get up from the floor and make our way back to our room. Ely turns the light off and closes the door to the closet neither one of us wanting to remember what was said in there earlier this evening. He disappears into the bathroom while I pull out my baggiest sweats and T-shirt, just as I close the drawer I hear the tub water turn on.

Curious I walk into the bathroom and see Ely adding bubbles and bath salts and then checking the water. He is concentrating so hard on a task most of us do mindlessly.

Turning around he sees me studying his movement. Without words he takes my clothes from me laying them on the shelf before grabbing my hand and leading me to the tub. Quickly he removes his pants that he never bothered to button back. Making quick work of his underwear and socks he steps down into the tub before pulling me in with him.

Ely folds his long legs and sits down stretching them out to the other side, pulling me down in front of him he pulls me back to his chest. His arms wrap around me and he lays his cheek on my head and together we watch our tub fill and the bubbles grow.

The water threatens to spill over the brim of the tub before I reach up and shut the water off laying back into his arms.

Neither of us has dared to speak a word instead we sit there letting our bodies do the communicating, every once in a while I feel his soft lips press a kiss into my hair.  Finally moving my head over with his slipping into the crook of my neck I feel his eyes on my hands as the play with the bubbles and for whatever reason this puts a small smile on my face.

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We are content in our bubble, the bubble we have built for ourselves all weekend long. Not talking about what happened Friday night, not talking about work, no one leaving the apartment... it's just us.

A shift in our love happened that night and even though we haven't wanted to discuss what happened I think we both know we needed it to. We have loved each other since college, the only thing separating us were our own homes that we could return to at the end of the night. This giving us just enough distance to miss each other but not so much that we couldn't shut down the loneliness ask quickly as it came.

Now we have become a part of one another, our weekend has been filled with love making just like Friday, very little words and a lot more listening to each other's body. We have been dating for nearly 6 years and I have come to know Ely more in our bubble weekend than I did before.

"Can we talk about Friday?" I ask causally between bites of the vegetable lo mein.

Ely's fork stops mid way to his mouth, my question popping the bubble. But my thought is if we don't talk about it and sweep in under the rug then it will fester and get ugly, I don't want ugly I want what we have now.

"Yeah. Sure. Ask anything" he states continuing to eat his dinner.

"Who is she?"  Now I'm really curious and lost my appetite. Turning, focusing my full attention on him and what he has to say.

"She is Sarah, she started as a junior associate the year I was promoted to associate. We've been working together the last year and a few weeks ago she promoted to my position." He stops looking at me and evaluating my reaction. "She was assigned to my team and from there to the O'Malley firm." He finishes, his full attention on me.

"And that's it?" My eyebrow shooting up daring him to continue with caution.

"Pretty much, I've had a few meetings regarding the account but nothing more, no dinners while out of town, no bars, our paths didn't cross unless going to or from the firm." His throat bobs signaling he is threw.

"Thank you" I turn back to my dinner and begin eating again, he had no tale, no shift in his eyes, not even a flare of a nostril. No reason to question and now it's no longer under the rug, the trash has been taken out.

That night I lay awake dreading tomorrow, I'm not sure why I have an uneasy feeling about Sarah, but my momma told me always trust your gut, and my gut says she wants what is mine. My biggest fear is if I don't over come my commitment fear she will pull him from me and I'll be left standing alone.

Sarah is the last thought before my eyes finally close and sleep over takes my body, the fear I felt awake is nothing compared to the fear from my dreams that night.