What was Still is

Chapter 42: James

"Let's look for long linen or cotton dresses" I suggest after Jo shows me all of the wedding magazines she had from last year's Heart of Texas Bridal Conference. None of them actually fit my vision. I want simple, flowy, and light weight. "It's going to be hot and I'll be pregnant l want to be able to have fun at my wedding not dying from the weather"

"Okay then let's look at this little boutique I follow on Instagram and see if they have something you're looking for." Jo's fingers fly across the keys as she taps her fingers across the keyboard. Forty-five minutes later I have a dress picked and Jo has called the boutique and it's on its way. Now that we have accomplished this much I need a nap.

"Thank you for doing all of this Jo, but I'm going to lie down" I hug her half ass and head to the guest room.

My eyes flutter open and then sun is sinking below the flat land from my window. I must have been exhausted, but still after my nap I could sleep longer.

"Jay" Ely's voice is soft from the chair in the far corner of our room. My lips curl into a smile and I roll to face him, I stop when I see his fallen face.

Sitting up quickly, my head starts to spin. I shake it to clear it so that I could give him my full focus. "What is it?" Panic is rising in my voice, my heart is beating faster than I can handle.

"Jay" he leans up on his arms as they support him from his knees, he swallows "Jay.. Jo" the tears fall from his eyes and the fear is hurting so much and all I want to scream at him to spit it out already.

"Jay" he swallows and let's out a deep breath, "Jo is at the hospital, Paislee is with my mom."  He takes another breathe before dropping his eyes, "Emerson made bail, and Billy was on his way back from the store getting groceries so we could have dinner. I let him drive my car because I was parked behind him." His eyes find mine again, "Emerson t-boned him on the driver side, he thought it was me." His voice catches and I jump from the bed and fall to his feet my hands pulling his into mine.

"Billy is in surgery, his brain is bleeding and I..." he breaks and my heart breaks with his soft cries.

"Let's go, why didn't you just wake me so we could be there with Jo?" I ask through tears.

"I'm scared Jay, I'm scared that this is all too much for out baby. I'm scared because my flesh and blood is trying to take everything I have from me. He wants all of this" his hands fly gesturing to the everything. I flinch back at his sudden movement. "What am I going to do Jay? I cannot lose you again, I can't put you through the what if my brother does this or that." His anger is coming out, I know he is angry because he can't fix this.

"Baby no you're not going to do this, Billy is here until there isn't another damn thing any of us can do. So you can't give up, okay?" I grab his face making him look at me.

"Jay you don't get it. Emerson and Sarah are gone, and it's obvious he isn't going to stop until he takes every damn thing from me." He pulls my hands from his face and I follow his gaze to next to him where his packed bag lays.

"What are you doing?" I jump up and back, the searing pain of finding out about Billy is gone and the fear of being left alone replaces it and I didn't think I could hurt anymore than I did before but my heart is being ripped from my chest as he stands up and grabs his bag.

Ely straightens and his eyes lock with mine, "Jay I can't live through losing you or our child and I can't protect you until he is found, I can't protect you here."

My hands fly to my ears as he continues to tell me his plans, his voice is muffled and I squeeze my eyes shut effectively cutting him off. He steps to me and kisses the top of my head and a tears slips through my squeezes eye lids. I feel his presence fade as he walks from the room. I collapse from the pain and hold my chest with my left hand and my flat stomach with my right as Ely walks out the front door away from me and our child.

He is leaving me like my dad did my mom, my greatest fear is becoming my reality.