What was Still is

Chapter 31: Ely

This last week James and I have been together every moment, I ended up taking some vacation time just to spend with her. Two years is a lot of time lost, but slowly we slip back into our place.

She has talked with Parker and she is going to work from Austin on her next line and then they will discuss beyond that after it launches. Jo has talked her back into doing some work at the studio when Jo comes off of maternity leave.

"Jay come on we have to be at Jo's in thirty minutes for dinner" I call from the kitchen.

"Coming" She is walking down the hall and she takes my breath away, her jean shorts are frayed and her top is flowery and flows as she walks. Her black hair is twisted up at her neck and she has curls that are lose. She isn't wearing anything out of the ordinary but on her it's gorgeous.

"What?" She asks looking down like something is wrong. A smile grows on my face and I walk over to her and take her in my arms. This crazy beautiful girl is my everything is all I can think about.

"You look absolutely gorgeous baby" I can't contain my happiness, the color rises in her cheeks and her emerald eyes have their sparkle back and my heart does a flip knowing that I have put it there. "I love you so much Jay"

"I love you Ely, and I'm so sorry for.."

"No, no sorry. Jay it took you walking back into my life for me to realize what you needed. I walked away frustrated and then I let you walk out." I let her go and run my fingers through my hair, frustrated. "Look, if it had been me trying to navigate a career that has so many unknowns I probably would have done exactly what you did. But while you were fighting for what you wanted, I chased mine and expected you to be right there when I got mine. If I had looked at this from your point of view maybe we would be standing here having a different discussion."

Her arms are stretching out for me, "Ely." Her hands on my cheek making my eyes connect to hers, "Ely if I hadn't been so scared to end up like my momma I would have seen what was right in front of me. You cheered me in all those same steps I took. I don't want to ever feel like I have been the last two years. You walking out made me see what was really in front of me. True love." She raises up and her lips brush mine but before she can pull away I grab her face and deepen it. I don't her to ever feel like she isn't loved or cherished.

I pull back and we both take a second to catch our breath before I grab her hand and we head out the door for dinner.

As we head up to Jo and Billy's my hand mindlessly reaches for my wallet. The ring is back in there, and I won't let it stay as the perfect moment passes us by.

This is something I have to do right, and if I do this right then I need Jo.

After dinner Jo warms a bottle for Jay, she has been dying to feed the little princess and Jo has managed to stock their freezer full of milk and then some. That little girl will be set when she goes back to work.

Once Jay is sitting in the rocker in the nursery and little Paislee is greedily devouring her bottle I grab Jo's elbow and pull her back out of the room, down the hall and out into the balcony.

Her face shows me just how confused she is, I pull out my wallet and take the ring from it's safe place. The second Jo sees it her hands fly to her face and she gasps.

"I'm not going to let her slip through my fingers again Jo, but I need you. I can't pull this off by myself." I swallow my nerves and watch her carefully.

"How long have you had that?" She points to the diamond ring that is shimmering in the moon light.

"Almost two and half years" my voice is quiet.

Her hand flys up and smacks my shoulder. "You never said a word until now?! She walked out of your life for two years and still you never mentioned what you wanted to do until now!" She smacks me again.

"Fuck Jo!" I quickly put the ring back in it's safe spot before she hits me and I drop it.

"No Ely! You don't get to get mad at me. I watched you two tear apart after Able and I thought there was nothing that could save you two, and then you tell me there was a ring!" Her voice is rising.

I shush her, turning back to the door not wanting Jay to accidentally hear. "She might have said yes but you and I both know she would have ended up walking out on me because she would have felt trapped. Look what happened with Able was all of our worst nightmare coming to life but make no mistake that little boy did exactly what he was sent here to do. He made every single one us stop and really take a long hard look at ourselves. He didn't break our family he healed what we didn't know was broken. She needed to walk away and figure out what she wanted, really wanted." Tears fill my eyes and I blink them away. Jo's are falling freely, Able is still a sensitive subject.

Without losing that little boy Jo and Billy would still be filling her body with hormones, losing him made them take a step back from getting pregnant and find the love in their relationship. And then one drunken night after my party for my promotion sure as shit she gets knocked up with Paislee, her angel.

"Damn it don't make me say you're right" she wipes away the tears.

"I'm not going to if you'll help me make this perfect, and we have a month." I pull her into a hug. For the next half hour we go over the possibilities and she tells me she'll get to work on the details, my job is to not give it away.

We walk back into the living room, Billy is watching the ballgame but James isn't here. My eyes catch who's playing before I walk down the hall to the nursery. Jo curled up in Billy's lap and is watching the game with him.

The door to the nursery is pulled closed but I can see Jay standing next to the crib, the room is dark except for the nightlight that sets on the table next to the crib. As it rotates little stars move around the room, pale yellow stars lighting up the far room like a night sky.

I can hear a soft hum coming from James, I can't quite make out what it is but it's beautiful coming from her. I push the door open and step into the room as quietly as I can. There's a pull in me that draws me to her.

As I step up next to the crib my hands snake around Jay, her head automatically moving over to let mine rest in its favorite spot. I can feel her face pull up in a smile and I smile back.

"She is so pretty when she sleeps" Jay sways to the music in her head guiding me with her.

"I'm going to have to agree" my eyes watching Paislee's little body rise and fall with each breathe. Jay's hands rub across my arms that are wrapped around her middle.

"You think someday we'll have a baby of our own?" She asks, goosebumps popping up on my skin.

"I'd like to think so" I kiss her neck stilling her body. "The way we practice I think it's inevitable" I grin from ear to ear trying not to laugh at my little joke.

James turns in my arms, her green eyes staring into mine. "I want all of this" hands make a small gesture around her. "I'm done with ForeverBeauty after this new line." My brows furrow and I pull back slightly confused. "I've accomplished what I wanted in my career... but it didn't make me feel like I thought it would. I'm proud of it all but at the end of the day I still felt empty. But being here with you, and our family we've chosen... that is what makes me happy and whole."

I dip down and kiss her, I've waited eight years for this next step. I don't know what she found in California but I'm glad she did because my world was upside down and I didn't know it until she walked back in turning it up right.