What was Still is

Chapter 38: James

Chapter 38: James

Ely starts us a shower, I'm not sure what to say right now. My emotions are all over the place, Jo was there when I walked through the door, she was there to help me sort through everything that happened today. My week started out perfect, my best friend finally got to see what I was planning on the new line, and then she flipped it and help Ely set up the perfect proposal. I smile at the proposal, I said yes and the joy that came with one simple word was amazing. Today I ended up kidnapped by my deranged future brother in law. 

"What are you smiling at?" Ely pulls me from that memory the water sprays around us and it's almost magical.

"Us and your proposal" my smile grows.

His arms pull me closer and I have to tilt my head further back to look at him. "You said yes" his smile is growing to match mine. His gray eyes sparkling bright.

"I did say yes, and I mean it. I will be your wife and you," my hand comes up in his chest between us and lays on his chest, "will be my husband" I lift up to kiss him.

"I am going to make you happy everyday of our lives" he kissed the tip of my nose.

"I want to show you something" I say my smile is now a full on teeth showing ear to ear grin.

"Okay, show me" he says curious.

I grab his hands from behind me and I move them to just below my belly button, pressing them flat. I look up at him and my smile is sweet and his face is twisted, confused.

My hands lay over his, my heart pounding, my breath is catching with every intake.

"You're?" Ely's eyes searching mine.

I nod tears falling from my eyes, the water is cooler now almost too cold.

He bends down and shuts the water off, reaching for our towels and he wraps me up before he wraps one on his bottom half. He hasn't said anything, he hasn't even smiled. Maybe this happened too early, I didn't plan this but we didn't use any protection so it was a possibility. I stopped taking the pill after a year in California.

He leads us out of the bathroom to the bed, finally he turns to me and I drop the towel. His hands go straight to my belly.

"You have our baby in here?" He asks.

I nod slightly, "Yes, Jo made me take all of the pregnancy tests she had left to make sure." I walk over and pull one out of the night stand drawer. I bring it to him showing him the very prominent two pink lines.

His eyes light up and he picks me up spinning me. Laughter breaks from us and the chaos that was this evening is gone for now. Our day started out perfect and it is ending far better than I could have imagined.

"I'm going to be a daddy and you're going to be a mommy!" He almost yells.

I laugh and shush him, I'm so excited but Jo may kill us if we wake Paislee. Hell she almost woke her when the first positive showed up. I'm actually surprised the guys didn't hear us.

"I'm only a month or so, we weren't  to careful when I got back." I look up at him.

"No we weren't." He grabs my face and his eyes are full of pure joy, my heart swells even more than it was just a moment ago.

"We're having a baby" I cry out, my hormones are so crazy right now. I can't believe two months ago I was alone and today I stand here engaged and pregnant.

"Jay I need to talk to you before we get to excited" his voice is quiet and he pulls me to him. We are still naked, and it's getting cold but as soon as he pulls me into his arms the warmth that is always with him sends the chills away.

"Okay" I search his eyes for anything, worry, anger, maybe even regret.

"Jo and Billy bought a house outside of town." My mouth falls open, she didn't tell me this how does he know before me. "And the land next door is up for sale." He pauses as I try to catch up to what he saying.

"The renovations will begin on the loft no matter what you decide, but I'm thinking we buy the land and build a house. Even more now than an hour ago." He swallows and I can see his muscle tense in his jaw but his eyes stay soft.

I keep searching his eyes, I know what I want to say but I need to know that it will be okay when I say it.

"Ely I loved the loft, it had everything we wanted except at the time was far more than I could afford." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, "but that isn't our home anymore. It was our home once, yes. But now. Now everything is different, we are getting married and we have a baby on the way. So let's go talk to Jack and build our dream home." His head nods.

"Our home?"

"Yes- me, you, and" I drop my hands to my flat belly "our little girl or boy."

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"I have an appointment with your gynecologist tomorrow morning to confirm what eight test told us" I giggle trying to get used to this decaf sludge. I don't know if I can do this, this crap is disgusting.

"Good the sooner we know the better I need to make sure my little niece or nephew is okay." Jo's smile spreads as she takes a drink of her sludge. "When are you going to see Jack?" She still avoids my eyes when we talk about her house and the land. I'm still hurt she didn't tell me but I also know that when we're together last night there was a bigger issue. She knew I was pregnant and she needed me to get my own suspicions before she asked me to pee on a stick.

"In about an hour. I'm hoping he will set us up with builders today too. I have so many ideas running through my head and I need to get them out to someone who can put them to paper." I'm talking a mile a minute, my nerves are on edge without my morning caffeine.

Jo gets up as soon as Paislee's little baby cries carries into the living room and she starts to the nursery, "Take note this is you in nine short months."  She laughs and leaves.

Yes and I cannot wait. I left for California and a baby then I would have been withdrawn and hated that I wouldn't get what I want out of life. Now I stand here and my hand finds my belly, my flat belly imagining what it is going to be like with a little bump. Before a proposal would have come after the two pink lines, I would have felt obligated to say yes. My life would be forced. I lost two years with Ely so I could learn the hardest lesson in life. And when I came face to face with the only man I could ever love, the only man who I wanted his love. I came back and he had moved on to a new girl, and even though it only took us two days to realize that nobody was ever going to be enough.

I watched him talk to another girl, I watched his face when he realized I was watching and it tore him up when he seen me watching him. It tore him up to see my regrets come to surface when I found out there was someone else. I haven't asked many questions about her, when he proposed he said I was the only girl he ever told he loved. Me, this crazy little thing who walked out and broke his heart because I was a coward and refused to really let myself love him. I was so scared of him deciding I was too much for him to fight for, too damaged, I was scared of ending up alone like my momma that I pushed and pushed until one day I woke up in my little bungalow and realized I was alone. My family here was moving on, Jo and Billy were pregnant, Ely got his promotion to partner and had a new relationship. I was alone fifteen hundred miles away, but hey I had the career.

The view above the city is something I will miss when we move to the country, but I know there I'll have an even better view, land as far as I can see. Sunsets. A porch with two rockers watching our kids grow up, my goddaughter grow and our grand kids. Best part it'll be next to my best friend, my sister by choice.

We chose to start over new, we'll as new as we can be, and a new home is part of that.

"What are you thinking about?" Ely snakes his arms around me as I stand looking out the apartment window. His hands rest on my belly and I can't help but smile.

"How things are so different."

"Mm, yes they are. But I think it's a good thing, don't you?" He turns me to him.

"Yes I do too." I raise up and give him a peck, "Come on fiancé we have an appointment with Jack and then we need to go get some stuff out of the loft." I pull him with me.

"Yes ma'am" he chuckles but follows without resistance.