What was Still is

Chapter 23: Ely

I lied to James, I did have something to take care of but it was important enough that it couldn't wait. I needed to talk to Casey but not until I decided on what to do.

Last night James fell asleep on the couch, when she got tired of head bobbing because she was sitting up she laid down in my lap. That contact lit up my body, like it's been in permanent darkness over the last two years. I removed her glasses and just watched her sleep, she didn't try to move away, she let me bush her hair with my finger tips, and just stayed.

My heart ached so much watching her sleep, her body rising and falling with the soft breaths, her lashes lay beautifully across her cheeks, her perfect lips stayed slightly open, and her hand laid flat across my thigh under her cheek.

I stayed still for hours watching her, loving the feel of her body touching mine. And when I woke and she wasn't there anymore my body physically hurt at the lose of her.

Casey makes me happy, and I love that she makes time for me and we have great time when we are together. But when I leave that's it I just leave, I don't ache for her in her absences. Her touch doesn't ignite my body like James, and that hole left in me isn't full with her.

I blow out a breathe exhausted as I drive back to the loft. My mind races down the highway with me, I'm still in love with that girl but I don't know if she is in love with me.

As I make my way through the loft that I know own images of James pop up. Her cooking me breakfast, her asleep on the couch while Netflix continues to play, her make up all over both bathrooms, her curled up on the loveseat in my office while I work, her in our bed wearing nothing but the sheet with her hair fanned across the pillow, and when I step in the bathroom her sitting in between my legs the night she gave into her fear and asked me if I cheated.

"I know she was there the night of the miscarriage" her words play over and over in my head. Her?  I rack my brain trying to figure out as I sit and stare at the tub.

Like a wall of bricks smacking me in the face.

Sarah Johnson. I can't get rid of her no matter how hard I try.

She no longer works for the firm, she was given plenty of rope to hang herself and it's exactly what she did earning herself a pink slip and a poor recommendation from Sackstin and Monroe. Luckily for me it didn't effect my bid for partner a few months ago and I earned my promotion.

I decide to shower even though I was afraid to wash her touch off, still I needed to. It's time I get some advice and the only person I want that from is Jo. Billy is like a brother to me, but you don't go to your brother for woman troubles you go to your sister, Joey.

I check my phone as I make my way into the closet I have a missed text.

Casey- what happened to my pictures? I want to see chubby baby cheeks!-

Ely- I know I'm sorry, we weren't allowed back in last night. I'm fixing to head up there-

I no more get the text sent and her picture shows up on my screen calling. I take a deep breathe and answer. I don't want to scare her because I haven't made up my mind.

"Hey babe, I was just texting you back."

"I know but I wanted to hear your voice and frankly I thought you'd already be there honey." Her voice is sweet with a thick Texas twang.

"It was a long night, so I decided to sleep in this morning." I pull out my clothes for today, and I stop when the blue ring box slides forward when I open my sock drawer.  Casey is still talking but all I can think about is what is inside that box. When I bought the ring I never thought of the possibility of Jay never seeing it. I never thought that I would have to tuck in back in my sock drawer so I wouldn't have to face that I wasn't going to marry her. And I never thought I would be calling someone else baby.