Fear & Love

Sixty

He controlled his anger by fisting his hand. He was speechless at her question but only she could ask such questions. "My child will be my heir." He answered with a straight face.

"That's not what I asked....I meant -" Gita tried to clarify her question when he interrupted her.

"That's enough." He said and turned off the lights as he laid on the bed and faced the opposite side.

"You have to answer me someday." He heard her murmur and slept.

***

"This can't be love, right? How can I love someone?" Anand's denial of love was outright hilarious for his friend, Rishabh who has been sitting in Anand's cabin for over an hour. They talked about deals and collaborations in the beginning. However after seeing Anand restless, Rishabh couldn't just sit and watch, so he asked him what is bothering him. Anand told him how she had left their home and what all happened. But what was disturbing him was his father's question : does he love her? He was confused. Whatever he feels, he don't think it's called love.

"Moreover, I can't choose that fool to be in love with!" Anand said.

"That's your wife." Rishabh had a good bond with Gita, who called him 'bhaiya' (brother) adoringly, he felt the need to defend her.

"Yes, that fool asked me yesterday if I want a child or an heir." Anand rolled his eyes. "Seriously? How foolish can she be to ask me this?" He added. His father's question was on his mind the entire time and to top it, Gita had to ask this stupid question which infuriated him.

"Bro, it's your reputation that makes her question you. Bechari, she must be worried that the kid is just another deal for you." They both knew he was not a man to feel for someone or connect with them, he only did things when it was profitable but Gitanjali was different for him. Rishabh sensed his upset mood. Anand glared at him and said, "she is not a bechari!"

"You must tell her how you feel. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable." Rishabh advised him. "You told me that when she left you, you felt empty and restless. Why don't you just go and express these things to her? She would feel special. She will feel that she means more to you than you show it."

Anand thought over his question and replied, "It's not in my nature. I can't be vulnerable. You know how I felt when she left....by telling her all this, I will just give her more power over me." Rishabh wanted to bang his head on a wall. "There is no power games in relationships." If there was a love school in the world, Anand should definitely take classes.

"And don't stress her more. Go tell her that her pregnancy news means the world to you." Rishabh had never Anand so happy before. The smile Anand had when he told Rishabh that he was going to be a father was unparalleled.

"No. I am not telling her anything. What is the use when she doesn't trust me? I am just appalled and angry at her question." He has to guard his heart. He would never allow someone to crush it and break it into pieces. He remembered the hopelessness he felt when she was not there to welcome him home. His bed without her, felt like thorns poking him. He may be a bad son, a bad brother but he did everything to be a good husband.

He was always honest with her. Before her, it was always work but when she entered his life as his wife, he made sure he spend his time with her, take her out on dates. There were days he didn't want to wake up from the bed after a trip, his jet lag pulling him down but he made sure he takes her out or spend the day as per her wishes. He would have never done this for anyone else and yet she fails to see the efforts he puts.

Rishabh got up to leave after spending more than an hour with Anand. He fixed his coat and said, "My diagnosis tells that you have caught feelings for her but you love to live in denial!  It isn't wrong to love your wife. It would be a thing to worry when the woman you love isn't your wife. I don't know what you are afraid of. You take your time and figure it out but atleast tell her how happy your unborn child makes you."