My Sisters Keeper

20

I sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office, my appointment was in thirty minutes but I'm early. I'm nervous. Although I need to do this I'm still nervous. This is a stranger that I'll be telling my business to.

I keep tapping my foot and biting my nails. The receptionist is busy talking to someone on the phone, laughing out loud. I wish I was that carefree again. And just living life with no fears or anxiety. But i guess this is step one to getting all that back.

After a somewhat nerve wracking twenty minutes the doctor walks out with another patient. She walks her to the door before heading back to the receptionist and checking her appointment book. She closes it and turns to look at me before walking over.

"You must be Mrs Mashile?" She says holding out her hand. I shake it and make a mental note, I need to change that name.
"Yes, that's me."
"You're early. I just need to finish up some things in the office I will be with you in ten minutes."
"Okay." I smile and she walks back into her office.

Ten minutes felt like a lifetime. At last she walked out and invited me into her office. I walked in and her office was quite spacious and homely. I guess that's why she is so popular, the moment you walk into the office it's just a calm and relaxing space. I sat down on the couch and waited for her to sit across me like they do in the movies, instead she sat on the carpet with her notebook on the coffee table. She smiled when she saw the confused look on my face.

"Dont be alarmed. This is just more comfortable for me." I nodded my head and tried to make sense of all this. "Anyways, my name is Dr Khanyile. It's so nice to meet you. So tell me about you."

I opened my mouth trying to say something but words wouldn't leave my mouth. In my head I knew what I needed to say but it was like the plug between my brain and my mouth was disconnected.

"Take your time." She said, clearly she was used to this. But what I couldn't figure out was why it was so hard for me to tell her about me. Was it maybe because I also didnt know who I was. On the surface, I could tell her my name and age and where I come from, I could tell her the most basic of things about me but I know that's not what she wants to know.

"I don't  know what to say." She smiled. Her smile had a calming effect to it.
"Relax Nomonde. This is our first session, I dont need you to unpack everything all at once. Healing is a marathon not a sprint. Right now I just want you to tell me about you. Not your deepest darkest secrets. I want to know Nomonde, what makes her happy and what makes her sad. That's it. We'll get to the rest later. Okay?" I nodded and let out the nervous breath I was holding in.

An hour later I felt like a huge piece of this load I carry on my back was lifted today. It might not be all of it but still. I felt relaxed. It was nice being able to talk to someone who didn't judge or make me feel like I should be ashamed of my past.

I walked out and found Lungelo leaning on his car in the parking lot of this building. I was about to ask how he knew I was here then I remembered he recommended this doctor. I walked over to him and he hugged me. It's strange how, whatever this is that's happening between us feels like a relationship. He opened the car door for me and I got in. He got in on the other side and turned to look at me.

"How was your session?"
"It was okay. One step forward right?" He smiled.
"Right! Are you hungry?"
"I am, but I'm already late for my shift so I'll eat at work."
"About that, Hlophe is waiting for your call."
"You know I cant work for him, I have a criminal record."
"He doesnt care. He is expecting you."
"I dont know."
"Well I do. I told him you will start on the 1st of next month."
"You cant be serious."
"I am. You are smart Nomonde, and you deserve to live the life you've always dreamed of, starting with that job."
"I need this job Lungelo. I have to get a laptop for Bontle before she goes to varsity."
"And you will, I promise."