My Sisters Keeper

97

MY SISTERS KEEPER

NINETY SEVEN

Things are back to normal. Well for me anyways. I'm fully back at work and doing what I love and enjoy. Lungelo and the guys are back in their positions. This time more determined to make everything work, of course Busani and the others had to threaten them so now they have no choice but to ship up or ship out. But I do believe Busani was right though, we can be a bit of a distraction, but I think all they need to do is prioritize and delegate where necessary.

I got off work and went to the parking lot. Now that I can drive myself it feels kind of weird not having Lungelo waiting for me after work. Things need to go back to how they used to be. I take my phone out and make a call.

"Baby."
"Hey, where are you?"
"I'm at the club. Why?"
"You were supposed to pick me up twenty  minutes ago." He chuckles.
"What?"
"Have you forgotten that you always pick me up after work?" He laughs.
"Wow, okay. I'm coming." I hang up and with a smile plastered on my face I wait for him.

Fifteen minutes later he pulls up right next to me. I get out of my car and get my things. I get into his car and give him a kiss.
"So what gives? What's wrong with your car?"
"Nothing is wrong with my car. I just missed you picking me up." He shakes his head and starts the car.
"Okay then. Let's go home then. We'll get your car tomorrow."

We drive past the club cause he has some documents he needs to get so I have to tag along. I decide to stay with Bonsile at the bar while Lungelo gets what he needs. Her pregnancy is coming along just right. She's already showing. Although she's wearing a baggy top I know she's pregnant so I can tell she is showing.

"Hey you."
"Hey. Shouldn't you be on maternity leave already?" She laughs as I take a seat on the bar stool.
"You sound like Muzi. If it were up to him I would be laying in  bed 24/7. He even wants to put the wedding plans on hold."
"Isnt he a doctor? He should know these things." She hands me a glass of wine.
"You know they say a doctor cant heal themselves. I think he is more worried because of your situation."
"Ncoooh, he's just scared."
"I know. But so far so good."
"I'm happy for you. You deserve this."
"Thank you. But I've been thinking. Now that I'm going to have a baby I cant be working these long hours, so I wanted to go back to school and get my degree."
"Really? That's great. I'm sure Muzi is happy about that."
"He doesnt know yet."
"That's a great decision."
"Yeah, so hows it going with you?" I sigh and take a sip of my wine.

"Nothing much. Imi is growing, Bontle is doing well at school and mum is slowly healing from Zwane's death. So I'm good."
"Good. When last did you speak to MaMtolo?"
"A couple of days ago. She wants me to bring Imi to Richard's Bay for atleast a month."
"And, will you do it?"
"I dont know hey, a whole month is too long. But I know she hasn't spent that much time with her so I understand. I'll think about it though."
"Please do. Then maybe she will stop fussing over me. I swear she is worse than Muzi." I laugh. I'm glad the attention is no longer on me.

Lungelo comes back down with what he came to pick up. A waiter brings him takeaways. Good. No cooking tonight. We say our goodbyes and head home. When we get there the lights are on. I know Bontle has the key but I am still cautious. Lungelo goes in first and sure enough Bontle is there busy on her laptop.

"Hey baby." She looks up.
"Hey, you're back."
"What are you doing here?"
"I needed to finish an assignment." Mhm. I'm not sure I believe that.
"Okay. Mina I have some work to finish up." Lungelo says and leaves. I take a seat on the couch next to Bontle.

"Let me guess, Imi was too loud?" She laughs.
"No. She's an angel. Actually I was hoping to talk to you about something before you fetched Imi."
"Okay, what's happening? Is it school?" She smiles.
"Somewhat."
"Okay, talk to me."
"Well, so my roommate has a friend who is a first year law student. She brought her to our room the other day with a couple of her classmates and they were talking about a case. Your case." I swallow. I dont know why my heart just started racing. I've been proven innocent so I have nothing to worry about.

"Okay, what about my case?" I'm trying so hard to keep it together but I hope to God she's not being bullied because of my past.
"They were discussing the details around it and all. But what caught my attention was the lawsuit bab'Khanya brought against the DoJ."
"I'm still not understanding baby, what happened?"
"She mentioned everything that you went through in prison. The rapes and the abortions." I feel tears sting my eyes and my heart sink. I tried so hard to keep this part of everything away from her. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down.
"Uhm.... I..." she takes my hand.
"There is no need to explain ma. I'm sorry you went through all that. I'm sorry that I was too young to do anything to help..."
"Bontle...."
"I'm sorry I didnt pay attention to your pain. I was so caught up in being happy that you're home that I forgot that you were in prison and that alone comes with a lot of trauma. I know I convinced you to go to counseling but I should have paid a bit more attention." As hard as I tried to keep the tears in check they still find their way out. I bring her in for a hug. She's way too young to know or even try and carry this burden. Its mine and mine alone. I pull back and wipe my tears.

"Bontle!" I take a deep breath. "Thank you but baby this is my cross to bear. That's why I didnt tell you or ma about what happened in prison because thats a part of my life I'd rather forget. Please dont think too much about this and just forget about it if possible."
"I cant forget about it. Hearing all that just made me realize how strong and brave you are. You went through so much yet you still find a way to put a smile on your face. I'm proud of you."

I know I tried to keep her and mum from finding out about my experience in prison, but I guess I should have known better. It was bound to come out anyway. With the lawsuit and all, things were bound to come out.

Bontle left and went back to mums, and of course apparently I'm only getting my other daughter tomorrow. It would have been nice to have her here to distract me from the crazy thoughts in my head. I dished up for Lungelo and waited for him to come and eat. But he didn't so I just covered his food and put it in the microwave.

I went upstairs and got in the shower. I thought I'd forgotten and healed from everything but I guess I haven't. I got out the shower and tried to get some sleep. I tried to read but that didnt help. All I wanted to do was get some sleep and just forget about this whole thing.

Lungelo came to bed and found me with a book in my hand. If he had to ask me what I was reading I wouldnt know.
"Hey, are you okay?" I nodded my head and watched him take off his clothes before going to the bathroom. He came back and got into bed. "Okay, tell me what's going on." He grabbed the book from my hands and put it away.

"Bontle knows."
"Knows what?"
"Everything that happened in prison, she knows. The rapes and the abortions, she knows everything."
"Oh."
"Yeah, I guess it was naive on my part to think everything would stay hidden." He sighs and brings me in for a hug.
"What are you going to do?"
"I dont know. I'm not sure if I should tell mum before she finds out from other people."
"You should. And then, this is just an idea, you can do a cleansing. You never did it when you got out of prison right?"
"No."
"Maybe we can do it now. And then we can name the babies who never got a chance to live."
"So now  supposed to come up with atleast ten names?" He chuckles.
"Dont worry, I will help you."
"You know sometimes I wonder how my womb was able to carry Imi after all the trauma I put it through."
"Miracles happen all the time. You know what they say about mothers and their prayers. They are powerful beings those ones."
"They truly are. Speaking of mothers, MaMtolo wants Imi to come visit her for a month." He laughs.
"What do you think? Should she go?"
"I dont know. But then again a month can give us an opportunity to make a brother or sister for her."
"Don't even think about it. We are down having babies. There is no way in hell I'm going through the trauma we went through. Imi and Bontle are enough."
"So you don't want a son?"
"Nope. We have plenty of sons kwaRadebe."
"Mhm." He gently pushes me off him and looks at me.
"What's the mhm for? Are you pregnant?"
"Not yet."
"Dont say yet, we are done with babies. You still have your birth control on right?"
"Yes." He lays back on the bed and I lay on his chest.
"Good."

My poor baby. Maybe he is right though. Maybe I do need to give the babies names and let them go in peace. To me they might have been just blood clots and the product of a trauma I can never let go off but to my ancestors and God, they were children. I'm pretty sure they know why I did what I did and I hope they forgave me too. But Lungelo is right, I do need to let my mother know about this and then let this go once and for all. Therapy might have helped me deal with it but in order for me to just put it all to rest, once and for all.