Toxic Lips [l.h]

s i x t y

'Oh I'm a mess right now, inside out.
Searching for a sweet surrender, but this is not the end.'
-----

I don't speak to Luke for two weeks.

For obvious reasons.

I ignore him when I see him around the apartment building, I ignore him at work, and I ignore him when we eet in his apartment along with the rest to discuss Blackwater Enterprises. I always feel his eyes on me, though; blue irises of fire that bore straight into me.

It was too soon. Too soon for me to tell him. I should have known he wouldn't change for me, how could he? I'm no Isabel.

I don't know what to feel. I love him, I know that much. Even if he did laugh in my face, I do love him. He has done so much for me over these past months, yet at the same time he's brought a whole world full of secrets and deception that I've never even dreamed of.

I know if Luke wasn't so hidden, he would perhaps love me back.

I feel like there's this gaping whole inside of me, this crater in my heart. It's almost as if when Tyler and I broke u, Luke filled the empty gap in my soul with his cheeky grins and sarcastic remarks. He soothed my fear of being left alone, and we were alone together. But now, we are both truly by ourselves, because at this point, we don't even have each other.

At work, I throw myself into my editing, something getting up to 10 songs edited a day. Mr Connery has praised me highly, and so has Mr Adams. Luke always watches me from his desk, tossing his stupid rubber band ball from hand to hand, spinning in his chair. I do my bestto ignore him every day, but it proves difficult when I'm utterly infatuated with the green in his eyes.

Sometimes, when I step out of the elevator in the lobby of Capitol, I look up and see a single figure sitting on the skylight above. I don't have to look long to know it's Luke.

I also notice that he's been writing.

It's in this torn, leather-bound journal that I catch him scirbbling in. I always see him writing at random times--at lunch break, where he sits quietly next to Calum while Skylar, Calum and I talk. He always sips coffee as he does so, his hand flying across the pages.

I'd give anything to know what he's writing about.

In a nutshell, my life without Luke is colourless. I had never noticed before that I had been missing something in my life, something beautiful. I've never smiled or laughed as much as I had when I was around LUke.

Luke made me happy, by just being his annoying and sarcastic self. And he didn't even know it.

One Wednesday at lunch break, Luke gets up to use the bathroom, leaving his leather journal behind.

Matilda and Skylar are chatting about some concert they're going to next weekend, but my eyes are glued on the journal.

Don't do it, Alaska. You know you'll get in trouble with him. Besides, you're not even on speaking terms.

Calum eyes me from his desk.

"Something wrong, Alaska?" He asks me.

"Do you know what he writes in there?" I ask, not moving my gaze from the tattered book.

"In the book?" Calum looks over at it, shrugging. "Not a clue. Why?"

"Just... curious."

Luke still isn't back by the time everyone begins to return to work, and his leather journal still sits on the table.