The Light House Girl.

Bonus Chapter 2 : Krystal's POV

After my incident I felt so alone. I was so alone yet I was surrounded by so many people. When I woke up, I saw my favorite pair of green eyes. But they looked so tired and sad. They lost the fire in them that I always cherished. Abbie did hug me and kiss my forehead as soon as she saw that I am awake. But it made me tear up and I couldn't bear to look into her eyes or let her see me crying. Because I know what I did, and I also know I had no intention of waking up. But here I am. Awake, alive, held by Abbie. The one person I didn't want to hurt, the one person I didn't want to see me like this, is here. I had to press the button. I just had to. And then she left me. I saw how happy she was to see me awake, alive. But was I alive? That was the first thought I had. Because if I was then someone found me, and I was not sure I was prepared to know who?

That changed as soon as the doctors left and Riley and Kate came in, along with Ade. I learned from Riley that Abbie found me. Well Abbie, Riley and Ryan. But Abbie was the one who located me or my body I suppose. My blood covered unconscious body, the one I so wished she did not find. Not that I want to die anymore, no, the voice in my brain is not there now. But I didn't want to hurt Abbie and I knew I hurt her very much when she found me like that. Rile also told me that Abbie brought me to her home before coming to the hospital. She stayed here and was here everyday since then. Abbie cried and talked to me whereas Rile said she couldn't do it. She just sat beside me. I nodded understanding. I mean what else was I supposed to say. Also, my throat felt super itchy and I was not sure I would be able to talk anytime soon. Yet somehow, I managed to ask not to let Abbie in anymore. I am not going to hurt her anymore even if that hurts me. I was sure I would be able to tolerate that pain if and only if Abbie was not hurt by me.

I stayed in the hospital for a long time. I was visited by Riley and Kate every day. As well as Ade. Ade never asked me about why I did it? Or told me to let Abbie see me. No, she told me stories about Abbie, some of her childhood days, one when Ade was there. Then she told me some stories about her childhood. She also told me how she used to run to the light house anytime she was sad, or angry. It was fun to talk to her. Ade always tried to cheer me up. Riley and Kate did too. But I didn't want to see them either as I knew I would hurt them. Then some serious looking people came along with Her, Ms. Watts. They asked me all kinds of questions about Michael, Kate, Theo and even Riley. They also asked me about Abbie. But then they said that Jane said she would foster me. I simply didn't want that. Because that would mean talking to Abbie and hurting her even more. And I don't want that even if it was hurting me so much not talking to her or seeing her.

Soon my plan to not talk to Kate or Rile changed as I learned that I would be living with them. I was happy and sad. Happy because I love them, sad because I don't want to hurt them. I am not good. I hurt people. I hurt everyone. But my doctors told me to talk to a woman. He said she is a different kind of doctor I forgot what he said she is. I keep forgetting stuff nowadays. But not the stuff I want to forget though. No, they stay in my brain. And sometimes they play in a loop. And I just want to go in and take them out. But I can't. I talked to this woman. She is nice. She listens to me. She tells me stuff. She has a funny way of speaking. It makes me laugh every time. But that makes her angry, I think.

Oh, I know she is my therapist. That means I am getting better. It was almost a week later that my brain was good, I could remember things and understand that she wants to help me. And she talks that way to make me understand instead of scolding me. Well I would prefer to talk to Abbie, but I have to talk to her instead. As I pushed her away to keep her safe. Even though this woman says that is not true. That I don't hurt people. How would she know? She didn't have to live like me. Abbie knows or knew. She never judged me. She cared for me. I almost asked Ade about how Abbie is doing. Almost because I saw her phone ring once and it showed Abbie's name. I almost picked up the phone just to hear her voice, just to feel her that she is there. Here with me. But I pushed her away from me. And now I cannot do this to her. Even if it is killing me not to hear her voice or look into those green eyes that always looked at me in such awe. No one has ever looked at me like that. My therapist also looks at me with pity. But Abbie never did.