I think about you more times than I smile in a day,
wondering how you are, how you're feeling, does your sister miss me like I miss her?
My mom finally stopped asking about you after years of begging,
she never understood why i couldn't explain how much pain you caused me,
i could never tell her that i loved you too much.
I loved you so much i was willing to forgive all your lies, secrets, hidden moments with someone else that were as sweet as the ones with me.
you didn't want to start over, as much as you said you would and you "tried".
i cant drive down the street without seeing your car parked right outside your job,
sometimes i wonder if you can feel me looking,
yelling,
sobbing,
staring,
anything.
Can you feel me like I still feel you?
What is it like not having me to hold you when you're sad?
What is it like for your sister not having me tell her how beautiful her drawings are, and how i'll put them on my wall?
What is it like not having someone that your parents called family around anymore?
What is it like for you to live without me?
I know I call you satan, but i'm living in hell without you.
