You deflected.
You weren't supposed to.
We both know the answer so why did you do it?
In your defense it wasn't a question-
But in my defense I needed reassurance.
"She thinks you..."
I hit send and threw my phone to my passenger seat so i wouldnt be able to reach and wait desperately for your reply.
As if it would still be in present tense,
As if you could still...
As if you ever did...
Now, i know you to some extent,
It might not be as well as i once thought-
Lets be honest, you barely knew yourself then-
But i know your actions and your words always contradicted one another.
So i believed your words-
It was not my job to decipher your secret messages,
And it is still not.
Yet here i am focused on the question you didn't answer,
But it was a question i didnt ask-
Though, you knew.
Maybe she's right...
I thought it comical in the moment-
Offensive even.
"No, I know him and I know he did not have actual feelings for me. It's just how he is. He disappeared because that's what he does"
As I write this the moon is looking down at me,
The storm of the day has cleared and the clouds passed so quickly i barely noticed.
Or maybe I wasn't paying attention,
Maybe i avoided watching them and waiting for them to pass because that felt like a waste.
Now im doubting myself.
And your words.
It was so easy to believe you than to think otherwise.
Why would i believe otherwise.
I don't know when i'll see you next,
If ever.
but when i speak to you again,
I will ask it plainly-
And i pray you'll be honest,
For once.
We can't go back in time-
But i just need to know...
Did you love me?
