A crush?
Thats the best name i can think of for what it was.
Considering the combination of emotions i had felt over the years-
You were the only constant.
And the smile that sprung on my face every time i saw yours,
Heard your voice,
Or even your name.
A crush.
It couldn't have been any more but it certainly wasnt any less.
The way my cheeks burned at the sight of you,
My hands would start to shake as you got closer,
As if we hadnt hugged and said hello a million times before.
There was something so comforting being held by you, even if it wasnt for long.
Any semblance of a tragic day or my internal turmoil simply disappeared when i saw you.
This was until you held your gaze on me a little too long,
Your eyes drifted from mine and found new places to explore,
Your hands wanted to feel more than just my shoulders in a hug,
And you decided to ask me a question that sunk my heart deeper than it had ever been.
"Can i?"
Was this happening?
I knew your eyes seemed different,
Darker than before.
"Can I-"
This isnt happening-
No this is supposed to be a dream,
Something sweet-
A crush.
"Can I kiss you?"
My lips betrayed me,
They moved faster than my brain ever could,
And so did your hands,
My zipper,
Your pants,
my dress.
It all happened so fast and i couldnt think
Or maybe i didnt want to think.
Im used to this by now and things had moved on with others before.
But this wasnt supposed to happen like this,
At all.
It was a crush that was all i had.
All i ever imagined was holding your hand,
But youre holding my hand for other reasons-
Stability maybe?
Even after it was done i couldnt wrap my head around it,
But you wrapped your lips around me,
Enveloped me.
We spoke about nothing worth remembering-
And that was the moment i felt closest to you.
Because that was who i knew.
Or thought i knew.
