it (didnt) happen

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"i am not dismissing it, it did happen"
but it shouldn't have, right?
i mean look at us
my feelings towards you are so disgustingly obvious, it even makes me sick
and our friendship has always been such a bright light for me no matter what,
if i was about to cry i'd simply see you and the tears would disappear
so what do i do now?
my tears are because things are different,
we can say they aren't and that nothing is weird but that would be a lie.
i'm tired of being fed lies with the intention of protecting my feelings
rip off the bandaid and don't let me overthink.
my thoughts consume me
pulling me into the unexplored abyss in the ocean that no one dares to reach
we can't,
there's no way of coming back.
yet, i take myself there.
so please, im begging
it's going to hurt anyways so just hurt me,
look me in the eyes and tell me the truth the same way you asked to kiss me,
i deserve at least that don't i?

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