I'm off my meds-
My doctor led me the whole way through and now I'm finally off.
I was so confident that I would be okay,
But now Im remembering why I got on them in the first place-
It's getting harder to breathe through the moments,
Harder to swallow my lunch,
The tears seem to stream down my face and I can't hide it anymore,
I can feel myself slipping back into who I used to be-
But that isn't what's worrying me.
I'm not scared of having to ask for help again
Or even getting back on the only thing that kept me temporarily content-
I'm terrified that the people that know me now,
The ones that never saw how shattered I was before,
Won't want to be here anymore.
What if they decide this isn't who they signed up for?
What if I can't be who they need me to be?
What if they decide they've finally had enough of the different faces to me?
Albeit there aren't many,
One is more tearstained than the other is all.
"Why do you think everyones going to leave you"
Said to me years ago and yet I hear it in my mind as if you were sitting in front of me all over again,
The wind carrying our hair and your words so they can find me no matter the date or year.
What if they do?
What if...
