"it was never your fault"

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this seems hard to believe when the common denominator in all my issues-
is me.
don't make me count and list all the people that i've lost,
or rather,
that have left.
please,
tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it-
so no one has to leave me again.
"it wasn't your fault"
stop saying that and tell me the truth.
i'm sure there's plenty i did wrong so let me learn from my mistakes-
i want to learn and grow.
there's no way to grow if i don't reflect and i can't reflect if the truth is hidden from me,
so please.
some of it has to be my fault.
if it's not my fault then there's nothing i can do,
i can't be better,
i can't change who i am,
i can't become somewhere more deserving of what i long for.
if it's not my fault-
then will i always meet the same fate?
being left behind while you find someone you truly desire?
it can't be.
this can't be what's meant for me.
so please-
let this be my fault-
let me be better.
please

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