My first love,
as heinous as it sounds,
be it real or an enticing nightmare that i allowed myself to play into-
i refused to admit it to myself, i know it was as predictable as any terrible trope in every ridiculous movie we had ever seen.
everyone could see it despite my pathetic efforts of pretending it wasn't true.
Cusack and Bateman were all a dream on screen, but you were the reality I hoped for-
distance is our reality now-
getting here has been a dream come true that i never believed i could see, let alone feel.
the distance doesn't cause me pain anymore, instead i'm comforted by it-
knowing i can step away at any moment,
looking over my shoulder to catch only a glimpse of your life and smile rather than be consumed by it and in it.
the weight on my heart was heavier than anything my shoulders have ever felt
and now she soars towards the sky and dances on the clouds.
oddly enough that's how i always hoped i'd eventually feel with you-
i know at one point i did,
laying in your bed,
face to face,
pure silence filled your room with a blissful air of almost innocence,
which is ironic considering you're the one that took mine.
"i love you"
in that moment,
i wasn't sure how you meant it,
or how i had for that matter,
but i know how I wish you had meant it,
and i know how i took it, regrettably.
i write this with a smile on my face-
not even a bittersweet one,
a sense of ease comforts me and I wear it like i do favorite sweater on this flight
the tears have finally dried,
i'll never say the pain was worth it,
but it seems that meeting you- was.
