I know i'm not the first or last one someone would choose
I know i'm not the one people would fight for or wish would have stayed
i'm the one doing the fighting, the begging, the hoping that someone better would come around
someone that won't leave
someone that won't replace me with the next person they find
but i can't hope and wish for someone that doesn't exist
i can't beg and pray someone will rescue me when they're not real
i have to save myself
but fuck am i tired of saving myself
after each and every time i'm left to pick up the pieces
i say "never again"
but here we are once more
it's time for me to sleep and instead i'm wiping my tears with the same blanket as always
just a bit more worn out
just like me
maybe if i wasn't so worn out, so used, so broken, then someone would stay
people like to pretend they can fix broken things
until they see how deep the cracks run and how irreversible the damage is
then they leave
and the cracks run deeper, and the tears streams further
they leave an even bigger mess for the next one
and then they won't last half as long.
07/05/2020
