I can't miss you
I can't sit here and think of sweet moments you and I had,
the thought alone of you kissing my head while thinking I was asleep, softens me.
Remembering the moments you'd stare at me and I knew what you were going to say next,
but my heart would still stop when you'd say "I love you".
The movie nights in your bed or in theatres and call that our night out,
getting dressed up and ordering the same thing to share we'd always get because it became something that was ours.
When we had to rush back to your moms to babysit and you said "Why can't we have one nice day out" and it felt like we were an old married couple.
Dancing on the light up squares in the museum on my birthday,
the only time we danced before that was the night we met and it felt so magical.
The thought of you always made me feel like I was floating on a cloud,
but clouds never stay in one spot for too long,
and so whatever is on it is left to fall.
Thinking of these moments make me miss who you were and I'd be tricking my own mind if I let myself continue to be blind.
You're no longer the one that I loved so dear and wish would hold me in their arms until the end of time.
The one who would swear to protect me ended up being the one scarring me the most.
I love arts and crafts, but no amount of hot glue or thread and needle can piece my heart back into one.
So I refuse to drown myself in the memories of what we were because there is no we.
There is you,
there is I
and it's time I let what we were,
finally die.
12/12/2020
