Who Will Win?

Goodbye

As soon as daylight broke, you were woke. up by knocks at the door. You finally gained consciousness and saw Chrollo still asleep besides you. You slipped out of bed and walked over to the door. You opened it just enough so only your face would show.

"Did I wake you?" Illumi asked at the door

"Uh yes, it's like 7 in the morning. Why are you knocking at the door?"

"I um... something was bothering me, could i speak to you?"

"Uh sure... let's go to the kitchen."

You both walked in silence through the empty halls. Once your reached the kitchen, you headed straight for the fridge to find a snack.

"Listen Chai..." Illumi began. "I was talking to my parents yesterday and it seems they have interpreted this situation differently.... They think we're together" He began to itch his head. "They want to talk to us today... Could you um- could you come with me?"

You looked up from the fridge, mouth opened and full of food, hair all over the place, and dressed in Christmas pajamas. Some food fell from your mouth.

"Illumi i'll be honest. It doesn't seem like you want me at all. Ive spent time with you less then anyone. If you don't feel like trying, just tell me." You said, awkwardly itching your arm.

"I'm afraid Chai... I cant compete against Chrollo much less Hisoka. I see how you look at them, you admire them. But when you look at me... I see nothing." Illumi sighed as his body slowly dropped and he sat on the floor.

You walked over to him and sat in front of him. "Illumi. I do not care about comparing you three. You are different then them. Hisoka is different then you both. Chrollo is different then you. That's what i like about all of you and I love you all so much. Please believe me when i say this. I want you to try because you want to try, not because you want to be like them. I don't want you to be like them, I want you to be like you." You grabbed Illumi's hand. "I never want to make you feel like you HAVE to do anything. Do whatever you want because YOU want to do it. I love you so much, but please don't feel like you need to do anything. I know i've put you all in a tough position, but at the same time... you all agreed to this."

"Chai. I love you. I love you so much. I want you to be mine, but i need to feel that from you as well. I want us to be how we used to be. It's been so difficult without you. I saw how you reacted when we first talked after you came back, we never reconnected like that again. We don't have to, of course... but i miss you. You're always with Chrollo or Hisoka and i'm just left in the back."

"I see..."

"Do you want me? Do you want me to continue working for your love?"

"Illumi..."

"Just say it."

"I do. I want you to want me. Because i know how special i am, and i know how special you are. I want you to want me as much as i want you. Being in a competition with 2 other completely different men than you is difficult i know- But fight for me Illumi. I want you to win me over." For some reason you began to become angry

Illumi reached his hand out to your face. His touch immediately calmed your rage. He cupped your cheek in his warm hand and pulled you towards him. He laid you on his chest and held you in his arms. You both laid in the quiet lonely kitchen, a light of sun barely seeping through. The floor was cold against your warm skin. Illumi was leaning on the island in the middle of the kitchen. This was something you had never experienced before. This urgency to cry but no tears would leave your eyes. You wanted to scream, to tell him how much you wanted— no. How much you needed him to want you. You wanted him to work for your love but you felt he didn't want you.

"Illumi?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Trying to win?"

"I dont know."

"..."

"I know that if i win, some part of your heart will remain with them. If i ever do commit to someone... i'd be someone that loves me with their whole heart. Right now you're split into three."

"You agreed to this."

"I know— but i want you all to myself. I'm far to jealous to have you being shared with two others."

"Whoever i end up with, if it happens, i'll always love you all. But my romantic feelings will be all dedicated for one. Whoever it may be."

"I'm sorry..."

You removed yourself from Illumi's arms, eyes filled to the brim with tears. "No..."

"I can't anymore."

"Illumi— why?"

"I don't want to work my way into your heart. You should already love me— only me." Illumi said, as he headed for the kitchen door, leaving you on the floor. "Take care... Chai'anne." Illumi whispered as he shut the door, and just like that... he was gone.

You moved your body against the counter where Illumi's body once laid. You hugged your legs in search of comfort. I never asked for my life to be this difficult... why me? You questioned yourself. Your cries filled the empty room. You wanted to scream, you wanted to break something. You wanted to end this pain you were feeling. You've lost so many people since you were a child, so many people you loved. You just wanted peace.

Illumi fell onto the door on the other side of the kitchen. His normal calm self would've never acted this way. His eyes filled with water as countless tears streamed down his face. His heart hurt. He never wanted to do this, but he had to. He knew the consequences that brought with having you be part of his family. You would have to become trained in being a Zoldyck assassin. You would have to bear children who would later on have to also become assassins. Illumi knew this life would be one you hated. Even if you loved him, he knew your feelings and he chose to protect you. He knew that right now, it would cause you pain, but that would be temporary. He wanted you to be happy, he only thought you would never achieve that with him. All he could think about was how stupid he was to fall in love with you, someone he wanted to protect, but never seemed to be able to.

Later on in the day, you called Hisoka and Chrollo and informed them of Illumi's decision. They were taken aback at first, but then they agreed to give you some time alone. You went back to your house, and spent three weeks in complete solitude. You felt completely and utterly alone. Chrollo and Hisoka never called, they let you be. All your clients you had began to die down. You were losing yourself and your life. All because of a stupid assassin who decided upon his own to leave. Or so you thought.

"Why me?" This questioned replayed in your head, day after day. Why did you have to go through all of this?