Chapter 11: Only Kinda

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I woke up the next morning with a few moments of peace before remembering what happened the night before. The last thing I wanted to do today was leave this room. I sat up and rubbed my face, my eyes still burning. My heart sunk. The sweater still smelt like Jake. It wasn't long until there was a knock at the door. I hesitated before pushing myself off the bed, slowly opening it.

It was Sam.

"Hey.." I said quietly. He gave me a small smile. 
"So.." He started. I sighed, plopping back down on the bed.
"You heard.." I whined. He nodded.
"I heard."
"I didn't mean for Jake to hear." I said, shoving my face into my pillow. He sat down on the corner of my bed.
"Ahhh, so.. that didn't apply to Jake..." he said, shoving me. I laughed. 
"Shut up.." I said, throwing my pillow at him. He caught it, laughing. "I just.. didn't mean for him to hear. I.. I don't know.. last night-" He cut me off.
"He told me." I sighed. I should've figured.

"I don't want him to hate me." I admitted. He rolled his eyes.
"Jake will never hate you." He smirked. "He.. said nothing but nice things about you."
"That was before I said what I said."
"Oh, no.. it was after." I felt my cheeks burn.
"I just.. it felt like.. everything was happening so fast. And when things happen so fast.. they burn out. And.. I don't want that to happen either. I.. I don't know." Sam lied down on the bed, propping his head onto his hand to look at me.
"They move fast cause when they know.. they know. I guess they see something in you. I personally don't get it, but.." He started to laugh. I shoved him. 

Maybe Sam would be my only friend here.

"Thanks." I laughed. He shrugged.
"And if it helps.." he said "I personally find you... repulsive?" We were both laughing together now. I appreciated him coming to talk to me. It would be nice to have someone "on the outside."
"That does help, thank you." I grinned.
"Like, I'm sure you're great and all but-"
"I get it, Sam, thank you." He rolled over, throwing the pillow back at me. He got up from my bed and made his way over to my door, stopping to peek at my end table where Josh's white rose was started to dry up from being out of water. I avoided looking at it. I knew what he was thinking and I didn't want to talk about it. 

"And.. I'd really appreciate you not telling them what I told you. You know, brother to brother confidentiality but.. I don't want them screwing anything up because they're being dumb either." He teased. I smiled up at him, playing with my sleeves.
"Thank you, Sam." He nodded.
"Oh.. and nice shirt." He said with a wink and a smirk as he quickly slid out the door. My cheeks were burning now.

I took off Jake's sweater before walking out into the main area of the bus. Danny was sitting on the couch, and Josh and Jake were sitting at the front table.
"Hey.." I said, making my way into the kitchen area. Jake peeked up and nodded. Josh avoided eye contact all together and continued eating. Today was going to be great.

I brought my food over to the couch and sat next to Danny.
"Hey.." I sighed. He looked up at me. 
"So what did you do?" He asked, smiling at me. I stared at him confused. 
"What do you mean?" He smirked.
"I mean, the twins haven't shut up their whole life. And now they haven't talked all morning." 

I peeked over at them as they continued eating in silence. This was agonizing.
"I didn't mean it." I whispered. "I guess I hurt their feelings, but I.." I stopped, shaking my head. I really didn't feel like getting into it again. I quickly finished my breakfast and went back into the back room to start uploading and editing the photos from last night.

Flipping through, I got to the photos of Jake and smiled. Guitar slung behind his back as he continued to play perfectly. He really was amazing that night. I thought back to him running off stage, wrapping me into his arms and twirling me around. How badly I wanted him to look at me like that again.

And then there was a knock at the door. I jumped, shutting my laptop. 
"Yeah?" I yelled. The door slowly slide open and Jake popped his head in.
"Can I come in?" He said, biting his lip. I nodded. He walked in and shut the door behind him. I stared up at him, not sure what to say. It seemed like he didn't know what to say either. We sat in the uncomfortable silence for a moment. 

"I'm sorry about what you heard last night." I sighed. He shrugged.
"Did you mean it?" He asked. 
"Only.. kinda." 
"What do you mean 'only kinda?'" He questioned. I was blushing again.
"I mean.. I.. I didn't mean it about you." I admitted. "I just.. last night with you.." I could see him smiling. I couldn't contain mine.

He moved away from the door and sat down across from me.
"Did you want me to kiss you?" He blurted out. "Last night... on the roof?" My cheeks were on fire.
"I.. I think so." I finally answered. He was blushing now too. He nodded.
"Okay." He sighed. "How about this.." He moved closer to me, putting his hand on my knee. I quickly peeked down and then looked back up at him. He pushed a piece of hair out of my face, gently placing it behind my ear. My heart was pounding.
"You do whatever you're comfortable with.. when you're ready. I just.. I need to know if we're on the same page at least.. you do feel something, right?" He asked. I smirked, nodding. He smiled back.
"Then we're okay." He said simply, gently running his thumb across my cheek. 

He looked over next to me to see his sweater folded across my pillow. He smirked at me. 
"I guess you can keep that, at this point." He laughed. I bit my lip, grabbing it from the pillow and handed it to him.
"Could you wear it again?" I asked. He looked at me confused.
"How come?" He asked, still smiling at me. He knew why. 
"Because.." I said quietly. He giggled, taking it from me and pulling it over his head.
"You'll get it back tonight." He said, getting up and walking over to the door. Before he opened it, I stopped him. 

"Wait.." I said. He turned around to face me, leaning against the door.
"Yeah?" He said sweetly. I sighed, getting up from the bed and going over to him. He stared at me wide eyed. I leaned in and grabbed onto the sweater, pulling him closer and gently kissing him on the cheek.

"For last night.." I said quietly. He was grinning from ear to ear as I backed away. He nodded and walked back out, shutting the door behind him.

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