Chapter 91: What Could've Been

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As we made our way off the bus, Josh reached for my hand. I gently pulled away, peeking back up at him.
"I.. I think it's better if we.. don't.. yet." I whispered, biting down on my lip. He stared back at me, his face dropping.
"O-oh, yeah.. sure.. yeah, you're right." He said
"Just because-"
"No, I get it, yeah." He sighed, forcing a smile. "It's okay. And.. we don't even have to hang out that long tonight if you don't want to. We have the Christmas party tomorrow so, we can see everyone there again too."

I felt my heart pounding in my chest as we got closer to the door. As we walked up the front steps, Sam turned back to me, gently touching my hand and giving me a subtle smile. I felt my cheeks burn.
"It's okay." He mouthed. I nodded, feeling a smile escape my lips. I felt a little bit better.

When the front door opened, we were greeted by their mom, who didn't hesitate to pull them into a tight hug. First Jake, then Danny, then Sam, and finally Josh.
"We're so glad you could come." She said to me, hugging me tight.
"Oh.. of course. T-thank you for having me." I managed.
"Of course honey." She said sweetly, moving aside to let me in.

Looking around, I didn't think their home could get any cozier, but I was wrong. The entire house was covered, head to toe in Christmas decorations. It was so homey and beautiful. I was glad I decided to come. As much as I loved the city, I loved this hometown feel.

Maybe just because it was theirs.

"You can bring your stuff into my room if you want.." Josh said softly, leaning in close. I nodded, following him down the hall towards his bedroom. I looked up at the walls, filled with their old baby photos. I couldn't help but smile. They were all so adorable.

And then my stomach dropped as I got to Jake's room. He was standing inside, already unpacking one of his bags. He looked up at me and my heart started to race. I held my stare on him as he bit down on his lip, flashing me a small smile. I quickly looked away and made my way down the hall to Josh's room.

"You can stay in here, if you want." Josh said, unpacking his bag. "I.. I don't have to stay in here with you if.. if you're not comfortable with that, I can stay out in the living room if you'd rather-"
"It's okay." I said softly. "I.. I don't mind the room on the bus."
"You don't have to stay on the bus. Wouldn't you rather a real bed?" He giggled to himself. I shrugged. I really didn't mind the bed in the backroom. And maybe it would be better for me to have my own space away from everyone.

"I'll.. I'll think about it." I said, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "But.. I think it might be better for me to stay on the bus." He held his stare on me, his face dropping.
"Okay.." He nodded, looking away. "Whatever you want to do."

I could tell that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"So.. what's going on tonight?" I asked, looking around his room. It was pretty clean for the most part. His book shelves filled and organized, his desk cleared, all of his clothes neatly put away, his bed perfectly made. He looked back at me, shrugging.
"Nothing crazy. They all assumed we'd be tired our first night back so.. probably just dinner, maybe hang out with everyone for a little bit, and then head to bed." I nodded, looking around again. He noticed.

"Whatcha looking at?" He asked, smirking, sitting down close next to me. I smiled back, turning to him.
"It's just interesting." I said softly. I got up, going over to the bookshelf, looking through all of his books.
"Have you read all of these?" I asked, peeking back at him. He smiled, nodding back at me.
"Mhm.."
"I should've figured the writer was also a reader." I giggled to myself. "Have you.. ever thought about writing one?" I asked, moving over to his desk. I saw him start to get fidgety as I got closer.

"Maybe one day." He said, keeping a close eye on me. I couldn't help but smile.
"What's got you all worked up?" I laughed. His cheeks burned as his smile grew.
"Nothing." He said simply, but I could tell he was lying. I finally reached out, grabbing one of the books from his desk when he jumped up, making his way over.
"What's this?" I asked. "And why don't you want me to see it?" He flashed me a toothy smile, his cheeks burning red as he reached out for it.
"It's nothing." He laughed nervously. I pulled away, going over to the other side of the room. He quickly followed.

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