Chapter 41: Too Real

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"So.. I have something I want to talk to you about." I said, reaching over, gently running my fingers through Jake's hair. He sat across from me cross-legged, smiling back.
"What is it?" He asked cheerily. I couldn't help but smile. 

I hoped he kept this same enthusiasm.

"Well, Josh and I were talking before.." I started. I saw his face began to drop. "And.. he was asking if I was interested in helping you guys with your next music video." His head tilted as his eyes got wide.
"O-oh, yeah! That would be cool! Like, photo stuff.. right?" He asked. I bit my lip, nodding.

"Y-yeah, photo stuff." I said, feeling my cheeks burn. "He said that he typically does a lot of the video for you guys, but it'll be hard with him in most of the shots, and he said I have a good eye-"
"Yeah, you do, yeah, that's a great idea. I'm.. I'm sorry I didn't think of you sooner, I-"
"Oh, no it's fine. It's okay." I said, looking away. He nodded, looking unsure.

"But.. he was also wondering if I would be interested in.. maybe.. being in it with you guys." I said quietly, looking back up at him. His face dropped again. 

I could tell his mind was racing, but he stayed quiet.

"In it.. like.. um.."
"Well, I assumed you guys just hired actresses for things like this, and he said, sometimes you do, but he said he'd feel more comfortable with someone he knew, he said it would feel.. more authentic considering the song is so personal." 

Jake rolled his eyes, looking away.
"What is it?" I asked, reaching out, gently placing my hand on his leg. He sighed, looking back at me.
"What would you be doing?" He said quietly.
"Well, he said his idea was like a video montage." He nodded, looking away again.
"You see what he's doing, don't you?" He asked, keeping his eyes down.
"What?"
"He's looking for any reason to be with you." I shook my head.

"W-we're friends, Jake. He knows I'm with you. It.. it wouldn't m-mean anything. I just thought.. it would be a good opportunity."
"A good opportunity?" He laughed. "What, are you thinking of getting into acting now?" He snapped mockingly. I stared back at him wide-eyed, taken back. My heart started racing. 
"W-what's going on with you?" I said quietly. "I.. I just wanted to talk this out with you."

"Well, we're talking it out, aren't we?"
"Not really, it kind of just sounds like you're throwing a tantrum." He stared back at me, his face getting angrier.
"A tantrum?" He said, his voice getting louder. "Jess.. why do you really want to do this? Why don't we talk about that." My stomach dropped.

"What are you talking about? I told you, he just wanted me to help. I thought I would be helping you guys. Why are you turning this into something that it's not?" He shook his head, looking away.
"Because not only do I have to worry about my brother who's obviously in love with you, but apparently you also have this mystery fiancé running around that I'm just now finding out about and.. it's hard-"

"Oh, it's hard?" I snapped. "It's hard finding out about one of my old relationships, that I had before I even met you, that I ended, that you insisted on me telling you about? Did you forget how your ex is literally living with us right now, Jake. I got to hear all about how you were with your many girlfriends, and I even had to share a bed with her last night, and you want to talk about hard? And Josh is not in love with me, okay? So what, we held hands that first night, nothing happ-"

"Jess, I know how he feels about you. I know he writes songs about you, no matter where we are, he is always looking at you, you may not see what we all see, what I try so hard to ignore every day, but there's no denying it's there. And you know what, sometimes.. yeah, I do get a little insecure because.. he can write you songs. He doesn't get jealous, and in a lot of ways, he is much better than me, so maybe he would be better for you, and every day I wonder if you're gonna wake up and feel the same way." 

I felt my heart drop.

"Jake.." I sighed, reaching out again. "I love you."
"Why?" He snapped. I stared back at him.

"Jake.. I just.. I won't do the music video, okay? Obviously it's going to create more problems than it's worth." I said, getting up from the bed. He stared up at me.
"W-where are you going?" He asked, his voice dropping.

"I just think.. we need a break." I said softly.
"A break?" He asked. I could see his eyes start to water. I looked away. I couldn't see him like that.

"Just.. for right now. Just for this. We can talk about this later if you want."
"No, we should talk about it now."
"Jake, I can't talk to you when you're like this."
"Why not? Is it too real? You just gonna run off again?"

My heart dropped, and I felt tears come to my eyes.
"Jake, I-" But I stopped, feeling the words get caught in my throat. I couldn't believe this was happening. How did things always manage to go from so good to so bad so fast? He stayed sitting, glaring back up at me, his face getting redder. I shook my head, leaving the back room and slamming the door hard behind me. 

I was faced with Josh and Amy sitting on the couch, staring back at me wide-eyed. I should've known. The walls were thin. They had heard everything.

"Jess.." Josh said, getting up. I quickly made my way past him, storming off down the stairs of the bus, going back outside. It wasn't long until I heard the door open again behind me.
"Jess!" Josh called out again. "Jess, wait!"

I walked faster down the sidewalk, hoping he would eventually give up. I was wrong.

"Jess.." He said, finally catching up to me, taking my hand. I stopped, turning to face him. He stared down at me, his eyes sad. He reached up, gently wiping the tears from my face with his sleeve.

"We heard." He said softly, staring back into my eyes. He wiped my face again.
"I'm sorry." He said simply. "I.. I didn't want to cause any problems. I just.. are you okay?"

I stared back up at him, getting lost in his eyes. He held his gaze on me, gently running his fingers down my cheek. I shook my head, feelings more tears come. My eyes were burning now.

"It's gonna be okay, I know Jake gets angry sometimes but.. he'll calm down. It'll be okay." He said softly, giving me a subtle smile. He reached up, gently running his fingers through my hair. I felt my heart start to beat faster. I reached around, wrapping him into a tight hug, hiding my face in his chest. He hesitated, but eventually held me tight, pulling me closer. I felt one hand gently move up into my hair, his fingers tangling within. The other gently rubbing my back.

I let him hold me for a minute before I backed away, staring back up at him. He gave me another small smile.

"So, is it true you have a fiancé running around somewhere?" He asked, giggling to himself as he pushed a piece of hair out of my face. I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head.
"No." I finally managed. His smile grew as he nodded, looking down at our feet.
"I didn't think so." He said quietly. I appreciated him trying to make me feel better. 

"I want to help you with the music video." I said. I could see his eyes light up.
"Oh, g-great. Yeah. I knew you'd be great for it. Photo translates well to video, so.. you'd be perfect and-"
"I want to be in it with you, too." His smile grew.
"I can't wait." He said softly. "You'll be amazing, I know it." 

I have never wanted to kiss him more than I did right now, and part of me felt like he knew that too, but he held back, just simply being there for me like the friend I needed right now. He reached down, gently taking my hand.

"Come on." He sighed. "Let's go for a walk." I nodded, intertwining our fingers. 

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