Chapter 42: Only If You're Mine

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Josh gently swung our hands as we silently walked together down the sidewalk. It was nice to just have his company right now. I appreciated how he wasn't uncomfortable with silence.

"Have people already started lining up for tonight?" I finally asked, remembering what had happened the other night.
"I think so, but don't worry the entrance is on the other side. We're okay." He said softly. I felt my cheeks burn. He knew what I meant.
"I just don't want-"
"I know. It's okay." He said simply.

"Thank you for being here." I said, keeping my eyes down. I felt his grip get tighter.
"You know I'll always be here." He sighed. I peeked up at him, but he kept his eyes down on his feet.
"You really will.. won't you?" I asked. He looked over at me, biting down on his lip. He nodded. I moved closer, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I made a mess of everything." I said quietly. I felt him shake his head.
"You didn't do anything wrong. You can't help how you feel."
"I guess." I sighed. "It's just.. it's never been easy."

"What do you mean?" He asked.
"I mean.. my family isn't exactly the greatest when it comes to relationships. I was never.. really taught. I never saw anything good. So, I don't really know how to do this."
"Does anyone really know?" He giggled to himself.
"It sure seems like you do." I smiled. 
"Well, I'd love to learn with you." I looked up at him to see him already looking back down at me. My cheeks burned and I quickly looked away.

"You're making this really hard." I laughed.
"How?" He asked, his smile growing. I sighed.
"You know how." I mumbled. I felt him shrug.

"You can have whatever you want, Jess. You just have to decide what that is." 

I hated that he was right. I hated what happened with Jake today. I hated how I never really knew what I wanted, and even when I did, I hated how I didn't know how to keep it. 

I moved my hand up, now tightly holding onto his arm. I felt him move closer to me.

"So, did you decide what kind of things you want shot for the video?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"Honestly, things like this would be perfect." He said. "That's basically what the song is. It feels like this. I wanted it to be pretty simple and just feel.. organic and natural and real."

"So this feels real?" I said softly.
"To me it does.." He said, his voice trailing off.
"Would it.. just be us?" I asked. He smirked.
"It could be."
"I feel comfortable when I'm alone with you."
"Me too."

We walked a little further until we reached the river overlooking the city. I held onto him tightly as we sat down in the grass, looking out.

"So you never really told me what you'll need me to do." I laughed, sitting across from him. He smiled, sprawling out in the grass, propping his head onto his hand, looking back at me.
"Well, it all depends on how you feel, really. I don't want to force anything. That's why I said.. moments like these would actually be best."

I reached into my pocket, pulling out my phone and started filming him. He flashed me a toothy smile, his cheeks getting redder.
"So stuff like this. This is what you want?" I asked. He scrunched up his face.
"You know, it would be nice to get to see how you see me."
"Well, this doesn't do you justice." I said. He laughed, reaching up for my phone.
"Alright, you don't have to worry about this." He said, pushing it to the side. I laughed.

"Okay then, so how personal are we talking?" I asked. His cheeks got redder, his face now closer to mine.
"What are you really asking me?" He laughed.
"I'm asking.. are you gonna want me to kiss you?" He bit his lip, staring back at me.

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