Destiny's Play!!

Chapter - 37

Avni sketched furiously. Why couldn't she get that one stroke right? His laugh shouldn't be that difficult to capture. She was already into the early hours of Saturday morning if she didn't get this attempt right she wouldn't be getting any sleep at all. Her mind went over the events of the evening. She recalled how Karan had been angry with her and it had all stemmed out of nothing but concern. For her. She smiled. And then he had apologized for feeling that way. He was a sweetheart. She couldn't disagree with Manya anymore. Involuntarily she remembered the day she had accidently broken Sahil's photo frame. And the memory made her shudder. He had been enraged not because she could have gotten hurt from the broken glass pieces but because she had broken the frame. It had been a particular favorite of his and she hadn't known the reason why till later. In his anger he had shoved her away and she had almost gotten a head injury luckily she had been saved. He had never apologized for his behavior towards her. Ever. She closed her eyes and tried to force the memory back in the closet. They were different people with different personalities. It wasn't right to compare the two. But she couldn't help and remember the way Karan had gently held her hand and put medicine on her injury. She opened her eyes again smiling faintly at the memory.

Why had she hesitated about the part Karan had got wrong? She could have corrected him. His parents knew. But she hadn't wanted to. She had been reluctant. She didn't like deceiving anybody. And Karan, definitely not. But she couldn't tell him. No good can come off this relationship anyway. Well there wasn't any to begin with. They were perfect strangers. She didn't know anything about him either. Why was she thinking like this? She pondered over the questions that had made their way through her consciousness when she had been at his place. And then again how his gentle touch had ignited a deep rooted longing inside her. It had somehow made her feel special. Made her feel alive. Was she attracted to him? That gave her pause. But it wasn't possible. She didn't even know him. Maybe she did technically but besides that...she couldn't have those feelings for him. It would be so wrong. She couldn't afford any emotional entanglements. What was she going to do if that was the case? But it wasn't proper. What would everyone say? Both Tej uncle and Nilakshi aunty had treated her so nicely. They trusted her to do things right.

But what was wrong in feeling attracted to Karan asked a tiny voice in her head. She was a normal girl deep inside. She had emotions too. Even though she had shut everyone out and had locked herself in an ivory tower she just couldn't watch the world go by while she decided to just exist in the shadows. Had things been normal too she wouldn't have minded she answered. Right now she wasn't even sure where she stood or even who she was so to feel things for a man who was an exact opposite of her could prove disastrous. Firstly, he wouldn't reciprocate. Someone like him needed a strong individual who could also keep him happy. Unlike her who was shrouded in gloom and despair and was struggling with an identity crisis. She couldn't burden him with herself. Secondly, even if he was to feel something besides pity or sympathy for her to overcome the obstacles that lay in their path would be almost impossible. Wait...what? Why was she thinking so far ahead? It would never materialize. So it was better to not go down a path that ended even before it began. But it was easier said than done. She looked at the picture she had made and realized she had caught that elusive laugh of his and of her own she smiled. She slowly flipped the pages as she saw him in different moods. Scowling, smiling, angry, laughing. She had even captured that one scene where she had seen him playing with his dogs. She had sketched the entire thing.

She had always been so nervous around him how come she had relaxed in his company today. But she knew the answer to that. It was the familiarity. Strange she felt as if she knew him more somehow. And all because of the images she kept capturing in her mind and then putting them on paper. She was losing it. Slowly and steadily she was off to cuckoo land. Why was everything so complicated? Why couldn't she have met him earlier in a different setting? Why was destiny being so cruel to her? And tears welled in her eyes. She would have been different. And she was positive she wouldn't have been this nervous around him either. She had never been a confident person but she hadn't been this demure. Even in her own limited capacity she had been happy. Happy with what she was doing, what she had wanted to do. She had had hopes and dreams. Even if she had never realized those she would still have been happy. Now she was unsure of everything. And all because of those who had refused to do right by her not till the very end. For the first time in months of staying numb she had found a tiny glimmer of hope and she was forced to extinguish it. She could be normal again. Whole again. She rose from her bed and closing the sketchbook put it back in the drawer.

Who could she blame but her fate? Why should she blame anybody for what happened? Had her family been as strong as Manya's or had she been as strong things would have been different? Maybe getting out now the way she had was a blessing. She was getting to see things differently. Feel things. She was finding herself again. So she should focus on that and nothing else for now. Karan had told her she would be a fool to jump in the well again knowing what results it would bring. And she didn't want to be that fool anymore. Where had that come from? This courage to rebel. How had she picked that up? She frowned. It wasn't in her nature to rebel. To counter question. To argue with what was dictated. Then why now? Were her frustrations with how unfair things had been for her finally catching up? She had never opened up to anyone. Not even her own mother. She had never given it much thought just taking one day at a time. The will to question 'why' had never been there before. So what was it that had changed? Or was in the process of changing? She closed her eyes again and took in a deep breath. At this point everything was so jumbled up she felt tired. Maybe she should get that sleep after all.

And with that she got into the bed and almost instantly fell into a deep slumber. Her dreams full of green valleys and rushing river water and warm black eyes. Only this time the man was smiling and laughing. And she knew he wouldn't let harm come her way no matter how he felt about her. She snuggled deeper into her sheets as she felt safe after a long long time.

Questioning things is the first step to change. What destiny waited to see was if Avni will be able to fight for that change and her happiness or accept defeat even before the battle began?

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