Call Out My Name|| Tom Kaulitz

stay away.

Pearl's POV

Tom helped me get up, once he parked the car in front of the house.

I was feeling better than I did a few minutes prior, but I still felt weak.

When we went inside of the house, I quickly ran upstairs so that I didn't have to look at the mess I made once again.

I opened my room's door and I threw myself on the bed, with my face on the mattress.

Tom sighed, as he placed my purse on the floor and sat next to me.

He began to rub my arm, as I looked up at him and smiled.

'Bill is going to take your car', he said, while I nodded.

'Oh', he put his hand in his pockets and took out some cash, 'here's your 600 dollars, we don't need it.'

I looked at the money in his hands, as I shook my head and sat up straight.

'Keep it. I know it's not much but at least I feel like I'm helping the best I can.'

'Pearl.'

'Say it, Tom', I cut him off, as he looked at me both confused and taken aback.

'Say what?', he whispered.

'Say that you're disappointed', I said.
'I noticed how you looked at me in the car', I continued, given that he didn't speak.

'Pearl', he said once again and took my hand in his, making me stand up in the middle of the room.

'I am not disappointed, baby', he said, with his hands on my legs, while he remained sat on the edge of the bed.

'I get it, believe me, you didn't know what else to do.'

I looked down at my hands, nervously playing with them.
He was trying to reassure me, but I knew he wasn't telling me everything he had in his mind.

'But', he continued, and I knew where that conversation was going.

He inhaled and exhaled a couple of times before continuing his speech, which made me even more nervous.

'I love you, Pearl, more than anything else in this fucked up world', his eyes began to water as he said those words.

'But I can't do this, I really can't. I just got out of rehab and I just left this shit behind me, I don't trust myself enough around this again', he whispered, as he looked everywhere else but at me.

I felt my heart drop, a weight forming on my chest.
I knew that moment was going to happen sooner or later, I just wasn't ready for it.

'What are you trying to say, Tom?', I asked him.

'I-', he said, but he was soon stopped by a few tears dropping out of his eyes.

'I can't do this, I can't be there for you. I know you need me and, deep down, I know I would never leave you all by yourself, but I can't take care of you, Pearl, not fully at least.

I want you to know that I love you, I will never stop loving you, but you have to understand how fucking hard it is for me to see you take those pills every morning and night.
Every time you take one I feel like I have to stop myself from taking one as well; every time you're high I feel like I can't be near you, because if I am, I will go back to drugs.'

I didn't feel anything anymore.
I should've felt sad, betrayed, heartbroken.
But I didn't.

There was just rage, anger, in my heart, in my brain and in my veins, as I looked at him.
Those brown eyes I used to love, turned into two eyes I never wanted to look into ever again.