Call Out My Name|| Tom Kaulitz

goodbye.

Pearl's POV

'You know you can't smoke in here, don't you?', Gustav said, as he light up my cigarette anyway.
I shrugged my shoulders and took a puff, feeling the familiar sensation of the nicotine fill my veins.
I tilted my head back and blew the smoke out, walking towards the window to open it and let the smoke get out of the room.

I had been in the hospital for the past week, and even though my friends, and Tom, were with me everyday, I have never felt so far from home.
People would come in and talk to me, but all I heard were mumbles.
I wasn't paying attention to what they were saying anymore, I wasn't paying attention to anything at all.
My hair was a mess, my face was still bruised and I couldn't recognise my own body in the mirror.
I always wanted to lose weight, but once I actually did I looked sick and tired.
Maybe sick and tired was what I actually was.
I never intended on overdosing, but once I did I wished I never woke up.
The same feeling of guilt, shame and fear came back stronger than it did last time, knowing that everyone else around me would've treated me like some sort of survivor.
I didn't feel like a survivor, though, I felt like I failed again, - failed at being happy, strong and fulfilled with my life, and then failed at trying to end it as well.
I felt like no matter what I did, nothing was going to get me out of the life I had, not until I left the place that ruined me first.

'We tried to call you, you know', he went on as he walked back to his seat, next to Georg and in front of the bed.
'But you never replied.'

'I know', I said, my back facing them.
I felt guilty for cutting him and Georg out, but then again I cut everyone else out.
I guess I needed to be alone.

'You could've told us it was Christian who did this', Georg stepped in, as I heard him sigh.
'We tried to come to your house as soon as we saw the pictures but it was like you were in isolation.'

'Because I was', I laughed, blowing some more smoke out of the window.
I finished my cigarette and threw it out, as I turned around and looked at the both of them.

'It's okay guys, it's over now', I reassured them, smiling, but they didn't look too happy.

I sighed and walked closer to them, kneeling down and taking their hands in mine.

'You two, Bill, Tom and Jocy are the most important people I have in my life right now', I said, moving my eyes from Gustav to Georg.
'I should've called you back and let you know that everything was fine, but it wasn't, and I couldn't lie anymore. It's over now, and I don't want to think about it any longer, okay?'

They hesitated a bit and looked at each other, but eventually they nodded.

'Now', I smiled and dragged them off the chairs, 'let's give those people something worth taking a picture of.'

We walked to the window again, as I looked at the crowd of paparazzis standing right outside of my window, just a few feet below us.

'At the count of three, we flip our middle fingers, how does that sound?', I asked Georg and Gustav, who were standing on my left and right.

'It sounds like something a 13 years old would do', Gustav said, and I laughed.

'Perfect', I said, as I turned around and looked at the crowd who was starting to film and photograph us.

'One, two, three', as I said so, we all raised our middle fingers and smiled as we heard the camera clicking.
After giving them a few seconds to properly immortalise us, I closed the window and rested my back on it, laughing.

'There's a shit ton of them', Georg said, leaning forwards against the window frame to look at them.

'Yeah', I replied, 'they must think I'm Beyoncé or something. Doesn't Rihanna live here? Why don't they follow her?'