An Exhaustive Search

Will to Change

There's something about relationships,
Not all relationships,
But certain ones where
You feel forced, pressured
To become a better person.

Wanting to become better is nice,
But what if you don't want to?
What if you're fine the way you are?
What if you seek no improvements
Because if you do, it will lead to misery?

Do you know how many people
Want to change their ways
Because of a relationship?
You could say everyone,
But when you only factor what
They seek deep down,
You notice it's nobody.

It's no wonder that relationships
Are burdensome, why the movies
You watch are wrong.
They show a couple in love,
But ask yourself this,
Are they in love with each other,
In love with the idea of each other,
Or in love with the idea of love?

You may not be able to tell,
Think my question is confusing,
But really think about it,
I'm not rushing you,
For you must take all the time
You need to unravel this mystery.

Why don't you relate this to yourself?
Think about what those movies fed you,
Think about how it affected you
When seeking out your so-called soulmate.

You see love in the movies,
People meeting each other the first day,
Already wanting to marry each other,
This is dragged 'till the end of the movie,
Where they get married.

Let's be honest,
What did you think?
When I say that, I mean the first
Time you were exposed to this content.

You probably thought that's how love is,
There's this pure kind of love,
Such a love that exists where
You live happily ever after.

It caused you to seek this love,
You even met someone who you deemed
Worthy, such this person being
Your first love, you wanted to
Marry this person in particular.

But what happened to you?
Were you one of the lucky ones?
Are you two still together?
Did you marry the person like you wished?
Does it feel magical?

Let's assume you're still together,
What is happening between both of you?
There's this pressure to change for the other,
You fear if you act a certain way,
The person will leave you,
And you have valid reason to feel this way
Because this love is conditional.

How was it like in the movies again?
Did it show both people happily
Changing for the other,
Feeling like they're changing for the better?
Do you feel this way
Or are you robbed of your identity.

Let's assume that you're apart.
How do you feel?
Do you still feel caged,
Locked up in this predicament because
The break up took a toll on you?

What is it that you're thinking?
What is it that you're feeling?
You think about finding another mate,
You feel like your life is over
Unless you find another person,
But that's not what you want most,
For what you want most is to be reunited
With the one who broke your heart.

The outcome doesn't matter.
You could still be together,
Living in a house with children,
Or away from each other,
In search of another mate,
But somewhere deep down,
You don't love the person anymore,
You wish you never met this person,
And you wish you met someone else.

Notice that you're wasting all your energy.
It won't make a difference on who you pick,
Everyone you pick may be different,
But what they share in common
Is imperfection, and this very
Imperfection is what drives you
To change for each other.

If you want someone,
It all boils down to commitment,
You choose your own poison,
And live with that decision.