𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒, t.blade

045: Towels

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

"oh no, that will definitely hurt his feelings" Niki lets out with an empathetic exhale, directed towards Dream rather than you.

feelings of anger and frustration flushes over you. "don't you think I know that?!" you shout with hot tears streaming down your face. it's a quiet crying, no sobbing, and no heavy breathing. just got, salty tears running down your cheeks. you feel Nikis hand leave your back and she leans away from you. you sigh heavily. "I'm sorry Niki, I just don't know how to tell him"

"maybe you could start by telling me who it is you like? if you don't mind" she says softly, closing up to you again. you feel like you're on one of your therapy sessions. but in Britain. and with a friend instead of a therapist.

"I... it's so painfully obvious, isn't it? I have a strong feeling you're just asking me out of formality" you smile sadly at her. because it is, everyone's been taunting you about it ever since you got here.

"okay, so you like Techno. and what's so awful about that?" she asks optimistically.

"everything" you groan and plant your head in the palms of your hands. she chuckles right next to your right ear.

"I'm sure it isn't that bad" she reassured you, laughing about it. "tell me what exactly it is you like about him" you hesitate at this, but what could you possibly lose by telling her? maybe you'll even be relieved to finally tell someone, or admit it to yourself even. you have been in a long and painful state of denial, but at least in denial there is no risk for hurt feelings or a broken heart.

you take a deep breath and wipe the tears from your face before mustering the courage to speak.

"it's just... the way his eyes seem to be filled with so many unspoken thoughts. they express warmth and coldness at the same time. it's like trying to figure out a ginormous maze without a map, or learning how to solve a rubik's cube" you've never put those thoughts in words before, afraid of what might happen if you do. scared of what doors they might open, or close. you hadn't wanted to risk it until now. guess you might as well go all in for it, can't get any worse now.

"and his social awkwardness, poorly hidden behind a wall of disgust and despise of other human beings. the way he looks so much freer when he's asleep like he's carrying the weight of the world when he's awake and his only break is while sleeping" you're rambling, and you know it. but it's all true. you've just never known that your brain was secretly noticing all of these things. or were you just too scared to admit it?

you sigh. "and that's the reason I fell for that anarchist idiot of a pig" you look up at Niki through teary eyes. "now, what do I tell Dream?" you humorlessly smile at her.

"I don't know, we'll have to figure that out after the pool party. now we need to get ready before people come looking for us" she smiles and stands up, extending her hand for you to take. you take it and use your other hand to help her get you up off the floor.

"thank you Niki" you grasp her hand with both of yours and look into her eyes. "I really needed that"

she chuckles. "no problem, now let's get going, the boys won't wait forever"

~~~

you decided on just wearing black swimwear because of the simplicity in it, so you don't have to match colors and all that shit. going full black mode is easier. you pull a worn-out T-shirt over your head to cover your body as you walk downstairs.