Tera Hona.

letter to my naina.

(Authors note :Please listen to the song while reading this chapter. )

My naina,

I don't know where should I start. My therapist, he said that I should write down what I want to say first before telling you. I know how it's sounds. But I have always been bad with words. I say the wrong thing at the right time. So I don't really wanna mess up while talking to you.

First of all, I don't think I will ever meet someone that could really compare to you. I could see all sorts of people, no matter who they or how they look, they can't capture my attention like you. You know what I admire of you? It's the fact that you could take me as I am. You deal with my bullshit. I know I'm a difficult person to deal with at times but yet, you still sticked around for me. You bring out the best and worst of me. When I'm with you, I act different. I laugh, I cry and I'm vulnerable when I'm with you. With you, I can drop a fake smile and put on a real one. I don't feel alone , when I'm with you. You're the only one who crosses my mind constantly throughout the day. I can't explain with just words how much you mean to me, but you're the only one I'm afraid of losing and the one I want to keep in my life. You fixed me in more ways than I thought possible. You have absolutely no idea how precious you are to me.

I know I hurt you. Because I was scared of you....your love. It was scary for me when you came into my life, and started to made me happy. For a long time, no one has ever showed the care and love you showed me. When I'm with you made me forgot all the pain and brought smile to my face. So I pushed you away because I was changing when I was with you. But when I lost you, I realized how much you meant to me, all the changes that you brought me made me a better person and finally realized how much of a fool I was to let you go.

I'm sorry. I messed up. You forgave me too many times. My second chances are gone and I don't want you to gone too. It's my fault for stepping out of line. You have every right to be mad at me, every right to hold grudge. I don't expect you to forgive me and I don't expect you to forget. But losing you for a while put me in agonizing pain. It made me stay up at four in the morning because the thought of you was so strong I couldn't even close my eyes without seeing your face. I swallowed thickly and blinked back tears every time, I thought of you. I cried at random hours during the day and night not wanting to get up out of the bed. And I can't go through that again. I want you back. I want you to love me so that I can love you. I'm going to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones. I'm going to love you when you're happy and I'm going to still love you the most when you're sad.

I don't know what going to happen to us, if you chose to stay with me. I cannot read stars or converse with the fates but I do know this : I'm all in, Here and Now, until I'm dead in the dirt. No matter how difficult it gets or how desperately the world tries to tear us apart, I'll be yours.

And you will be mine. I cannot describe it anymore, it's you. You are the only one that I will ever want. I belong with you. You are my home. I look at you, and somehow I can see 50 years from now on the front porch of some old house in the middle of nowhere and we're together. I need you. You are the only one that matters. In a lifetime of rushed decisions, wrong turns and spectacular messes, you're the first thing that's felt right. I love you unconditionally, wildily, insanely, infinitely and irrevocably.

I hope you find some forgiveness for this stupid husband of yours, in your kind heart.

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Tears started drip down from her eyes to the paper.

The love he had for her was too much for her too bear.

Naina crumbled the paper in her hand and pulled it closer to her chest. She never knew he loved her this much. She started to blame herself for pushing him away all this time.

Naina looked around for phone to call her husband. She wanted to tell him that 'I love you and I forgive you.' But the call ended in beep.

"Naina..." A voice came from behind.

Naina turned to see Shivaay with red eyes breathing heavily. Something started to turn in her chest. What was happening?.

"Ishaan...His car was met with an accident." Shivaay said and Naina could feel the pain in his voice.

The world started to spin around her. All the breath in her started to leave her body.

Tears started to run down while she wrapped her arms around her as the whole world falls away.

Naina stared at the piece of paper filled with all the love of Ishaan, thinking if she could ever have a chance to show him the same.