The truth in our songs

Chapter 10

Maia-Jane Miller

I couldn't believe I was actually doing this. I had never been on a date before.

 Had never wished to have one. The feeling of being lost in place and not belonging where my date took me was just uncomforable. I hated foreign places because not being used to them frove me crazy, I just felt vulnerable and naked when I was not in familiar locations. That was probably the reason why I refused to go out with friends, I'd feel lost.

But I was practically forced to say yes this time, okay, Anna had dragged me. First, we had argued for about ten minutes wether I should go or not, while she said yes a thousand times in a row, I said no until I only shook my head and she noddedwith that huge smile of hers. Before I got to walk away from with a final refusal, she had snapped my phone out of my hands and had typed the commitement herself.

Now I had the freaking chicken salad, I was literally freaking out like some chicken that was about to be slaughtered, yes, it felt that brutal. Not that anyone thinks I'm a heartless animal-hater who takes those poor things as an example about their stupid freak-out towards a simple date. I would never lay a single finger on an animal, I liked them more than human and that said it all.

Since my beloved Anna had given my consent for this anxiety-overwhelming-shitty-meeting, she had to be by my side to help me pick an outfit. It wasn't my idea but after she'd asked me what I would wear and I had replied with, a normal jeans and a random sweater, she had fake-cried hilariously and had buried her hands over her eyes as if I was that horrible in giving answers about style.

Today after school we had went for a coffe together like we used to do more often now and Nicolas had joined us, like he did usually. I had complained to him about Anna because he always laughed at my behaviour and patted my shoulder, telling me everything would be fine. Nothing would be fine, I had dumped this poor young man twice and I was pretty sure he knew both times, my excuses were lies. Not exactly lies that would be way too mean but I had always cancelled right before it was about to happen. Don't blame me, blame my anxiety.

Benjamin surprised me to my own surprise because instead of looking for someone else he had not given up on going out with me. I was impressed by that, maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all? No, I had to stop thinking about it because if I would think positive, it would lead to the complete opposite. I could call it my hidden talent, once I had used one positive thought about a certain thing, it became bad, really bad. At least I could tell that my first date was with a very beautiful looking boy, before it would smash into a bin, caused by me. I was very bad at hitting bu if it came to a chance for me, I scored perfectly, just that the timing was everything but perfect. It would hit me in the face, I wouldn't even be able to say oh.

I was sitting in my room in front of my closet and stared at the phone in my hand. Anna's face was on my screen and she talked to me about showing her possible clothes to take as an acception for going out. I had no idea what I was doing, I didn't want to show her my room or anything that included where and how I lived. I was a bit ashamed of the circumstances.

,, Do you have any skirts? ,, Anna's muffled voice asked me and the internet connection really sucked.

,, Do you want him to look at my ass when he sees me? ,, I narrowed my eyes and smiled shortly thereafter. ,, But yes, sadly I do. ,,

,, Describe them to me- or better show them! ,, she jumped up and down behind her phone, filled with excitement.

,, Do you want to check out what clothes I own? ,, I grinned at her but she just waved me off.