The truth in our songs

Chapter 27

Maia-Jane Miller

Christmas happened to suddenly knock at the door. It came and left. We didn't celebrate. Christmas vacation didn't turn to be vacation at all and I spent every single day at the diner to work. My father sometimes happened to be at our house when I returned and sometimes he wasn't. It didn't bother me as much, he returned after a few days or hours anyways. Since I was wrapped up in work and barely home, I didn't get pulled into my father's business a second time which was good. Anna called a few times to ask me if I wanted to come over or have a coffee with her. It was cold and I wasn't allowed to use the car so I found excuse after excuse to not be forced walking by foot. I was lucky enough that the buses still drove and so I got to work with them but walking into town just for a coffee, wasn't this pleaseing.

I had missed the band's performance but heared from Nicolas that it had been okay. Not fantastic but okay. He tried to bring me change my descision about returning but I told him to stop and he did. Blake and I hadn't talked since he had called that taxi for me after we occupied ourselves for the woman. I didn't know what happened to her, I just hoped her child was fine. When Blake had told me he wasn't a monster I had hesitated to reply, just for a moment. I had seen malaise in his eyes, how he'd disliked me calling him one.

When I used to be a child I doubted that people could be so evil to eventually become a monster but now that I was older I was convinced that there was nothing like heroic existing in this shattered world. How could I have been so blinded by all the fairytales my mother used to tell me, I should have opened my eyes then but I had been too young and too dumb. Now I knew that humans weren't heros in any ways but villains. I wanted to believe that there existed good but I hadn't seen any of it in a long time. My mother left without ever returning or texting or sending letters and my father became an alcohlic wreck. I had no grandma or grandpa, they were all dead. Friends were never people I liked to be surrounded with, they were too noisy always wanted to know too much. I truly was a loner and I liked it, the utter loneliness and stillness around me.

I scrolled through my phone while I had a break of work and saw a video Anna had sent me yesterday. She said it was for me because I had missed the performance and she went with Chloe to it. I must say they weren't bad, sadly- had been her comment when she had called me yesterday morning where I had not declined her call for the third time. Maybe I was a little bit interested what the boys played at a school performance, hardly their party songs. So my fingers clicked at play when I opened the the recording which must have been made by Anna. Fist I saw heads and realized that Anna seemed to push herself out of the crowd and to the window side where only a few teachers stood. Chloe seemed to follow because I heared her mumbling something under her breath.

The sight cleared up and Anna managed to study her phone without it shaking too much. The director held a speech about christmas and how glad he for all his students blah blah blah and after that he mentioned the band and announced that they would play now and show us what they'd practised during the first months. I stood beind the counter and luckily, there weren't any customers at the moment. My full attention went to the video and soon the boys appeared on stage. Blake held a short speech which I didn't listen to and then he nodded at Nicolas and Dillon who slowly startd to play. I listened to the first song and didn't remember us studying it together, Blake probably chose another one on purpose. I rolled my eyes a few times when he had to walk around with the microphone in his hand and showed off with it. The second song came and I didn't recognized the melody of it. He began to sing the first lines and I tried to follow. But then, my jaw dropped.

I listened to the lyrics and my eyes were wide open and suddenly completely aware of every fucking word he was singing. Speechlessness, confusion and anger rose in me- how dare he. I found aquaintance in the lines that left his mouth, found words that I would have never ever wanted others to hear. I found everything my that soul had scribbled on a blank piece of paper a few months ago, when I had sitten on the stage with a notebook while Blake just didn't stop to sing. I yanked my bag from the compartment under counter's sink and dug out my notebook. I hastily flipped through the pages and my eyes nervously searched for the crumbled piece of paper somewhere in between. I couldn't find it. There was no doubt. The song, Blake sang, was mine.