The truth in our songs

Chapter 39

TW: assault, chlaustrophobia

Maia-Jane Miller

When I returned late that night, my father wasn't home. To my luck. He would have beaten the shit out of me. I would have let him do it. Because why fighting against it, against him? He would do it anyways. The way he did it over and over again. I almost felt no pain anymore, the scars on my back were the only things that reminded me of the torment, he made me go through.

To my surprise ther were no empty bottles on the floor and the sofa was made. I narrowed my eyes in suspiciousness. He never cleaned up. Hadn't done it for the last years and wouldn't. After I searched through the house with no sign of him or anything alive, I shrugged and went to bed. My clothes were wet from my run home through the rain and I lazily hung them over the chair in my room. My shoes got kicked under my bed and I nuzzled up in sweatpants and an old shirt of my dad. His smell on it was gone, the smell I once loved. Gone. The father I once knew. Gone. I was just alone. And I had accepted it. Because being a loner didn't mean to be at least a tiny bit lonely sometimes, right?

I was sick the other morning because why not? I felt horrible, my eyes were watery, my nose was running a bit and I sneezed three times before I got out of bed. Lovely. Shitty. Because I went to the fields. That's what I got for one moment of freedom. A cold. I groaned as i rolled out of bed and clothed myself in a heavy brown sweater, creamy baggy jeans and my red chucks. had I mentioned I owned red as well? Now I did. My hair got tied up to a lose bun which I steadied with a barrette. I checked my school utensils and if I got everything packed when I walked downstaires and to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of milk. I cursed when I looked for the hankies in every kitchen drawer. I found none.

My eyes fell to the clock and I practically ran out the door and slammed it shut behind me, so i would not miss the bus. I had no energy to drive by skateboard today. My phone rang while I hurried down the road and passed houses on each sides. I saw the bus stop further away and eatched the bus arrive. While I sprinted like some fucking runner, i definitely wasn't, my hands managed to fumble out the phone out of my pocket jeans. Wow- I forgot my jacket. I cursed more while I accepted the call and huffed a grouching hello into the speaker.

My feet arrived the bus stop and I almost fell into the open doors. With an apologetic smile I showed the bus driver, who had both his eyebrows raised at me, my ticket and let myself fall down the nearest seat. I was done with sports today. My breathing itched and I let my bag slide down my shoulders as I placed it on my lap. Now I was ready to talk.

,, You still alive at the end of the line? ,, I heared Anna ask and rolled my eyes, like always.

,, So funny ,, I replied.

,, Just checking, the lovely friend I am. ,, she chuckled.

,, Yeah, so lovely. ,, I mocked her.

,, I'm gonna slap you when I see you- unthankful kid ,, she growled and I smirked.

,, Why exactly are you calling? ,, I asked and my attention fixed on what she'd say next.

,, I hate to be the one to do this- ,, she groaned ,, I should tell you from Blake, to not meet Mr McKay today. Whatever shit it going on in this boy's headagain. I don't even know why he wants me to tell you instead of doing it himself. ,,

I rubbed my eyes in tiredness ,, I don't really care about this right now. Tell him to mind his own business, for his own fate. Mr Mckay is not going to kill me. Blake should shut his overthinking head down. It's my appointment, not his. ,, I responded.

,, I told him the same but he said he didn't care. ,, she chuckled ,, You two are so much alike when it comes to stubbornness. ,,

,, Goodbye Anna ,, I said and before she protested I hung up on her.