The truth in our songs

Chapter 37

Blake-Achlys Huxley

,, Why so quiet these last two days? ,, I asked the slate grayish eyes which looked at me unreadably.

I nudged my shoulder at hers as we slowly walked toward the door which led us out of the music room. Chloe and Dillon were already out of the door while Anna and Nicolas discussed some political stuff in front of us. Maia had was silent, too silent. And not only for a few hours but nearly two days now. I had alrady examined her arms or face if anything would show me harms on her skin but there was non.

,, Don't worry. ,, she had said slightly after she caught me inspecting her ,, He isn't prsent in the moment. I'm alone in the house. ,,

I didn't mind her being quiet but she rather talked than stayed in the back. Today I needed her to talk, to say something. She just walked quietlky beside me and ignored my question. I grumbled at her reaction and before she got to walk out the door I snapped it shut right in front of her nose. She jumped back a bit and her eyes snapped up to me. I smiled pleased, so she was aware. But her stubbornness stood there now and looked at me wordlessly, I saw the rage in her eyes.

,, What are you doing? ,, she asked me and I looked at her in surprise.

,, I could ask you the same ,, I replied and she rolled her eyes. ,, You haven't spoken one word today. ,,

,, Well I did now, didn't I? ,, she raised her eyebrows and I shook my head. She always played these little games with me.

,, That's not enough ,, I said and suddenly there was a flicker of emotion in her eyes I hadn't seen before. Pain.

,, Not enough? ,, she asked slowly. ,, You tell me it's not enough? What else do you want me to do, Blake? Tell me because I have no idea. I barely knew how to manage these past days and now you tell me it's still not enough? What? Are you so much better? ,, she asked and I hadn't realized that I must have offended her in some ways just by stating a simply respone.

,, No need to start a fight ,, I said. I had just told her she didn't speak much and she already felt offended.

,, Then don't give me a reason to do so. ,, she snapped at me and ripped the door open again. But I snarled it shut again? A tiny growl left her lips.

,, What do you want Maia? ,, I asked her sharply this time. ,, All I'm trying is to ask if you are fine and you, you push me away. If anyone is selfish right now, it's you because you make it seem as if no one could compete with you, as if nobody else could comprehend you because your feelings are so much different to theirs. As if my feelings are invalid compared to yours. You aren't the only one with bad days. ,, I told her and her stiff pose losened. ,, So I am asking you now, what you want because even though I don't have to care, I do. ,,

,, I don't know what I want ,, she replied in a sudden quietness and her gaze dropped to the ground.

,, What do you feel? ,, maybe I  could figure it out if she couldn't.

,, I don't know. I really don't know. ,, she shook her head. ,, It's frightening- to not know what you feel. It makes you feel nothing. I am trapped. ,, she said and there were tears sparkling in those sad eyes, but they didn't run. She fought against it, I could see it on her face. I felt helpless as well, how a simple qustion had brought her to fight so hard to not break in front of me. And I did not know what it was that burdened her so much.

,, You are never trapped. ,, I said gently because she really fought with herself. ,, You never are, do you hear me? ,, I slowly reached for her but let my hand drop the moment she flinched away from my touch.