The truth in our songs

Chapter 12

Blake-Achlys Huxley

I shoved sweating and moving bodies away from me as I made my way through the overfilled crowd of dancing students and drunk happy faces. Of course my brother had to invite fucking everyone. I didn't know half of the people but I leaned against one of the walls in the big livingroom and watched the partying mess in front of me. With quick hands, I had pulled out my cigarette pack and took one out. Benjamin had the talent to throw the biggest parties for students in our town. I saw red cups everywhere and empty liquor bottles on the floor, shattered glass on the expensive living room table and the booming music from our speakers. I crossed my feet which were stuck in my black chelsa boots and narrowed my eyes to scan the crowd.

Maybe I would find someone to make out with tonight. I saw dozens of girls, with make-up smeared faces and tight tops, skirts and dresses. They moved their hips and asses against some guys who smiled immediatly and pulled them closer. I rolled my eyes and lit my cigarette, I sucked in and blew it out again, the smoke was in my face and I smirked. The cigarette between my fingers, the black peeling nail polish on my fingernails and the glow of the nicotine and tar. I felt how my eyes looked out for someone and I immediatly stopped and focused on the cigarette between my lips. maybe one day that would cost my health but life rushed fasterthan I could keep up.

I already had the feeling that I was running after life before I would lose sight of it completely. There was just so much going on in this fucked up world and I still missed half of it. Singing brough me back to where I actually should belong. It showed me that I had a place to stay, a place where I was right and not wrong. Yet, I couldn't be who I was.

,, Who are you, pretty boy? ,, a girl appeared ot of the crowd in front of me and threw her arms around my neck.

I stared at her and didn't move but that didn't seem to bother her. She trailed her hands up to my hair and struck through it. I hated being touched if I wasn't the one asking for it. She was drunk and smelled like vodka, she was not even eighteen to drink that shit. I tried to losen her grip around my neck but she only pressed her body tight against mine. I was not in the mood for sex. She smiled sloppily and started to kiss my neck, I pulled my head away from her lips that just didn't feel good on my skin. Suddenly she stopped and had her eyes trapped on my neck.

,, What is that little thing? ,, she giggled awfully and reached her hand out to touch the necklace but I gripped her hand before she got to take it between her fingers.

,, Don't touch it. ,, I slowly said and her brown eyes looked at me cheekily.

,, And why not? ,, she grinned and pulled her hand gently out of my grip to take it between her fingers without waiting for my answer.

I locked eyes with her, I could smell the alcohol and saw that she was high. Her pupils were big but her eyes tired. No, I would not let someone touch me. Not someone who seemed to be tired from life too, I didn't want to attract someone who needed my tongue shoved down her throat to please her for one night. She trailed one of her hands down my chest and came closer to the part of my waistband. My eyes bored into hers, darkened and warning.

,, Because I said don't touch it. ,, I said again, this time more firmly and I flipped her hand away from my necklace and my body. ,, Fuck off. ,, she rolled her eyes annoyed after I snapped at her and left me.

I leaned the back of my head against the wall and closed my eyes for a moment. In two seconds I found a second cigarette in my hand and lit it. They calmed me down. They did no good to me but calmed me the fuck down. I had never seen myself in the position where I was today. I had become the person I never wanted to be in the very first place. I attracted people I didn't want to attract and scared those who took a caring look at me. But that didn't matter, nothing mattered. As long as I was good in being who I was everything was fine.