The truth in our songs

Chapter 59

Maia-Jane Miller

I was sitting in a large dark room, with dark furniture, heavy bookshelves and there stood a woodened desk right in front of me. Benjamin sat behind the desk facing me, while I sat in the chair. wich was placed in front of his desk and didn't look back at him. I felt like sitting in front of the principal and waiting for my detention. Benjamin's blonde-brown curls lied perfectly gelled on his head and I scrunched my nose at the smell of his strong perfume.

,, Maia, dear- you are here today, to plan our wedding with me. ,, he said and I didn't even blink at his words even though I wanted to lean over the desk and rip his tongue out of his mouth. One week.

I had been here for one week now. The only thing I'd eaten was bread and water, like a prisoner. But I did it on purpose, because it was the only thing that gave me pover over Benjamin. When I barely ate, I would get sick and that could force him to stop the wedding, could force him to let me out. He had no power over me in that way and I knew he watched me presicely, he knew my plans- he just didn't react until now. But at some point he'd gotten agnry with me and I really thought that now would be the time for the torture he'd promised me but instead he'd stroke me across my cheek. I had been surprised, honestly- because I was used worse than that.

,, It's not our wedding. ,, I corrected him and looked beside me and out of the large window on the left side of his office- whatever this was. ,, It's yours ,, he clicked his tongue in disapproval.

,, Maia- we talked about this. You've given me a promise and I've given you mine, I've held mine and now I expect the same in return. I'd be very disappointed in you and I really wouldn't want to lead a wounded and bruised wife to the altar. ,,

A threat. He was threatening me and he knew I knew it. ,, Well- ,, I looked him dead in the eye this time ,, I think that's what you'll have to do ,, because in no way would I plan this crazy, insanely droven wedding with him. I'd rather endure torture than stand in front of an altar with him and knowing I'd helped him accomplish it. ,, I will never love you ,, I told him and looked back at him with strength in my voice and hatred in my eyes. ,, Because I'd rather be killed than having to love someone that is not the one I love ,, 

Benjamin rose his eyebrows in surprise at me ,, And who do you love, Maia? ,, he laughed and threw his head bach as he sat in his big stool and eyed me like a fucking object. ,, There's never seemed to be a single soul who walked this earth, you've ever loved ,, he stopped to laugh and stared at me disdainfully.

,, It's non of your business who I love or have loved. I am just telling you, I am marrying you but that doesn't mean I will love you ,, I shrugged unbotheredly and he stiffened in his seat, his jaw sharpening at my words.

,, It's Blake, isn't it? ,, he asked and leaned over the table to get a more intimating pose but I just leaned further back in my own chair. His eyes dropped to the woodened surface and the he nodded slowly, as if he understood something very clearly ,, Of course it's him- it's always got to be fucking him. ,, out of nowhere he scooted his chair back with such force, I flinched in my own seat.

He had just made himself angry. It was not my fault. But he walked around his table with such certainity that I knew something terrible was about to happen. Out of self-protection and reflex I pushed out of the seat and backed away from him as he walked towards me ,, Just why- tell me fucking why! Why does it always have to be him?! ,, he yelled at me now and I didn't even say names. I never said I was in love with anyone, I never said anything about loving someone at all. ,, Can't you see me?! ,, he laughed with heavy breaths and let a hand run restlessly through his crurled gelled back hair which failed the attempt to happen smoothly. I cringed at him but I also shivered because of his agressive behaviour ,, I would have given you everything- everything do you understand?! ,, My frightened expression dropped for a second and I stared at him.