The truth in our songs

Chapter 45

Maia-Jane Miller

,, Do you want me to leave? ,, Blake asked carefully as we stood in front of the window in the ktichen. I looked at him quietly and a little bit too long but he looked back patiently as if he would wait na lifetime for an answer.

,, I mean- if you want to, you can go ,, I mumbled, to not disturb the night.

He shook his head slightly and took a soft hold of my arms ,, Maia- ,, he smiled kindly ,, Do you want me to leave? ,,

I felt the warmth of his body sprawling over to me. I felt his beautiful dark eyes, resting on me, as if I was the most lookable person to stare at. He smelled like ink and black tea and herbs. He smelled like a wild flower and looked like a mysterious creature. I let my eyes fix on his face. That face. I could remember that face everywhere, those nightsky eyes, that smile-

,, No ,, I whispered and almost didn't hear myself ,, I don't want you to leave ,, I admitted and my shoulders slumped. ,, And I should. But I don't ,, I shook my head and looked away ,, I can't ,,

It was true. Maybe I would never be his but that didn't mean I was able to stay away from him. I simply couldn't. I felt drawn to him, all the time, everywhere, with every look he gave me, every laugh he offered, and every cheeky wink he sent me. I had liked being at his mansion, had liked us running hrough the fields, I liked him drinking my tea without asking for permission, I liked his annoying ass that followed me wherever I went.

,, I can take the couch ,, he smiled ,, No worries. ,,

,, No! ,, I said a bit too loud. ,, No- you, don't take the couch ,, I just said and he nodded quietly. I couldn't bear seeing him on that couch where my father once lied, drunk and busted.

I motioned him to follow me out of the kitchen and he obeyed wordlessly. I didn't care switch the lights on, didn't dare speak or make a noise. I led him upstaires and right to my room, where my broken door still stood against the wall. He growled when he saw the picture and I just grabbed his hand and shoved him into my room without reacting to his noises. The moonlight shined through my window and its light threw my room into a shadow. Blake's eyes wandered over my furniture, the books that lied everywhere, my old dresser, my small bed, my desk. Of course there was no guest room nor guest bed. But I would not let him sleep on that couch or on the damn floor. I knew better.

,, It's fine. You wont sleep on the floor ,, I reassured him and he raised his eyebrows in amusement.

,, I wont? ,, he said and stepped closer from behind. ,, Where will I sleep then? ,, a whisper into my neck and I shivered.

,, We wont. ,, I replied and turned to him ,, We'll stay up the night. ,, I had to wait. Maybe my dad would return after all, maybe he would come back, maybe he would get another chance, just one. Maybe I wasn't lost after all.

I sat down in front of my bed and leaned against it. Blake followed my movements and sat down beside me. We just looked at each other and I knew he had questions, many questions, too many. And I knew he deserved answers. I just didn't know which I was ready to give.

,, Ask ,, I nudged him and looked out the window.

,, What? ,, he nudged me back.

,, Your questions ,, I answered quietly ,, I know you want to ask me things. Maybe too many. But I will try to answer them. Maybe I am ready now to answer a few. ,, I said and smiled at him slightly. His eyes examined me for a minute before he opened his mouth and looked out the window as well.

,, You don't trust people, do you? ,, he first asked and well, maybe it would be easier than i thought.

,, Not one ,, I replied.